Dear Amy: I will be a college freshman this year and have many pictures of myself (none incriminating or inappropriate) from high school posted on Facebook.
Because students at my college will have access to these pictures, I am afraid that people will look at them and make assumptions about me, therefore inhibiting any reinvention of myself.
On the other hand, if I delete all my pictures, people might think I’m anti-social.
I had fun in high school, but I really want to start fresh and go in without people thinking anything of me.
Facebook is so mainstream to socialization that I can’t imagine deleting my entire profile, but Facebook makes it so easy for the high school “populars,” “jocks” and “nerds” to mobilize and form cliques before college even begins. What should I do?
– Facebook Hater
Dear Hater: For readers who might not know, Facebook
.com is a website where students post photos, diaries, the occasional crush confession, song titles and bad poetry. When students meet one another, it is quite natural to look up profiles on Facebook, much as a person might take a look at someone’s high school yearbook to try to figure out what he or she is like.
You say that you want to start college “without people thinking anything” about you, and yet you’ve already put a lot of energy into trying to control what people will think of you.
Do you see what I’m getting at? Have you noticed that the coolest, most interesting people always seem to be the ones who have the kind of confidence not to care what others think of them – or if others are thinking of them? You can reinvent yourself in college by assuming that sort of confidence now, or at least faking a reasonable facsimile of it.
Before starting school, pare down your Facebook page to the bare essentials. Take out most of the deeply personal high school stuff and leave behind only those details that you would share with a professor, such as where you’re from, what your hobbies are and what your favorite band is. Perhaps you can find someone else’s Facebook page that you like and take inspiration from its style.
During your college experience, you will start to fill in all sorts of details in your life’s book. This will be easier for you if you start with an almost blank page in your Facebook.
…
Dear Amy: I have a pair of family heirloom diamond earrings (very nice) originally given by my mother to my wife, now ex-wife.
My ex-wife gave them back to me when we divorced (her choice to split, if that matters).
A few years later, I find myself with someone that I am strongly considering asking to marry me.
I wonder whether it would be proper to give this woman the earrings. (My mom would like that, if that matters.) Should I give them now or after the engagement or marriage? Or is it a bad idea and should I give them back to my mom? If I do give them to potential wife No. 2, should I tell her that they were once given to wife No. 1? I just want to do the right thing.
– Jeff
Dear Jeff: The way I read this, these earrings actually belong to your mother. She originally gave them to your ex-wife, and though they were returned to you, you should consider yourself the conduit back to their original owner.
If your mother would like to present this heirloom to potential wife No. 2, then she should wait at least until after your engagement to do so.
If you think you will have children, these earrings might be saved for one of them.
If the earrings are presented to potential wife No. 2, I don’t think you should tell her about their previous owner.
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