Dear Amy: I am the father of a 13-year-old girl who is seeing – on a limited basis – a 16-year-old boy.
They attend the same junior/senior high school and met over the Internet when my daughter was “instant messaging” with the 16-year-old boy’s younger brother.
The young man treats my daughter nicely, and she cares very much for him. Obviously, I have “snooped” on some of their Internet conversations. The conversations have seemed appropriate and very pleasant.
We allow the two of them to be together only in groups of young people at adult-chaperoned events. He may not drive her anywhere or take her home. They have eaten together or gone to the movies only when an adult is present. This has been going on for about four or five months.
My question is this – and I’ve been debating this today with a co-worker – is it possible that my daughter is “in love”?
– Pondering Parent in Ill.
Dear Pondering Parent: I have no idea whether your daughter is “in love” and, frankly, I’m surprised that you and your co-worker have spent any time debating it.
Why don’t you ask her how she feels about this boy? What she likes about him and what her expectations are? (I wouldn’t ask her if she is “in love” because I don’t think you should introduce this notion, but if she volunteers that she is, then you will need to have a very serious series of conversations with her.)
Honestly, I think that 13 is too young to have anything even approximating a “dating” relationship. You are right to set down clear boundaries about this; I would encourage your family to get to know this boy and to watch both of them with a benign but hawklike gaze.
Your daughter’s relationship with you, her father, will influence many of her choices in her romantic life. Stay close, loving, understanding, supportive – and firm.
…
Dear Amy: I had such a strong reaction to “Facebook Hater,” the new college freshman writing about how others would receive her page on
Facebook.com. I felt I had to respond.
I just want to say that Facebook is really not as big a deal as this freshman seems to think, and no one is going to care whether or not there are pictures on his/her profile.
I have many friends who don’t even have Facebook, much less post pictures on pages.
The only way people will think you are anti-social is if you stay cooped up in your room and never meet people. Facebook is such a minuscule part of the college experience and basically has very little influence on it.
– Confident in College
Dear Confident: To recap, Facebook.com is an Internet site where students can make “pages,” similar to yearbook pages, containing pictures and text. This site is accessible to anyone with a student e-mail address.
“Facebook Hater” had some serious pre-college jitters, mostly focused on how he or she felt others would respond based on the Facebook page from high school. “Hater” worried that others would judge students as “anti-social” if they didn’t have a page on Facebook.
Thank you for sagely counseling this young reader to both simmer down and also get out and mingle “old school” style – in person.
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