Dear Amy: A few weeks ago I decided to go home for Thanksgiving, and I asked my partner of six years if he would like to go with me. It would be the first time that he would be meeting most of the family.
I usually stay with my dad and stepmother, but I thought that we should stay somewhere else because my dad is uncomfortable about my sexuality.
I have a sister whose house is empty most of the year while she lives out of state. Because she would not be there for Thanksgiving, I called to ask her if she would let us stay at her house, and she said, “No, I have all my personal things there.” It’s her house, and she has every right to say no, but it hurt my feelings. I called my dad, but he also doesn’t want to host us. I then asked, “Why am I even bothering to come out for a visit?” And he said, “I don’t know.” Should I just get a hotel and visit the people who want to see us?
– D
Dear D: If “all the world’s a stage,” then families provide the drama. Thanksgiving probably isn’t the best time to introduce a partner to the clan (it can be too hectic, too nutty and too loaded with family emotions), but I realize that the holiday provides a prime opportunity that many people take advantage of.
You should stay at a hotel. You may value the opportunity to retreat to “neutral ground.” Your family needs to find a way to accept you and your partner, and the more serene and calm you are during this process, then the better it will go for all of you.
This intolerance says everything about them and nothing about you.
…
Dear Amy: I am a sophomore in high school. There is a very unpopular guy that most kids at school make fun of – out loud or behind his back. It is easy to see why he is not popular, with his weird staring, “stalking” people around school and not-so-great hygiene. He is somewhat rude. My friend says that he has a mental problem.
He is in some of my classes and, not wanting to be mean, I say “hi” to him whenever I see him. He takes this way too personally, and now I seem to be one of his friends.
My mom and I were sitting at a café when he walked by. I said “hi” to him, and he invited himself to sit with us until we left.
How do I tell him nicely to tone it down a bit?
– Stuck in the Mud
Dear Stuck: I hope that you will choose to continue to be nice to this boy and at least leave the door open for a friendship of sorts.
He isn’t as lucky as you are, and he might not understand the basic social cues that you and your pals know how to read. He sees so much rejection in his daily life; a simple “hi” from you could be one of the best things that happen to him during school.
If you have serious concerns about him or his behavior, the best person to talk to is your school counselor – not your friends.
…
Dear Amy: Please spread the word that a late thank-you note is better than no thank-you note.
I made a beautiful quilt for a wedding gift. It was time-consuming and costly. After three months, I have yet to receive a note of thanks.
I heard through the grapevine that the couple was under the impression that thank-you notes should be sent as soon as possible, and that because they hadn’t had time to write them, it was too late to do so now.
– Disappointed Godmother
Dear Disappointed: Of course notes should be sent as soon as possible, but if they’re not, any awkwardness is easy to fix by writing, “We’re so embarrassed by how long it has taken to properly thank you for your wonderful gift, but we use it every day and think of you whenever we do.” How hard is that?
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