Our first mistake was being young and in love. Besides that, we did everything else wrong too.
“You’re not supposed to do any home remodeling when you’re young and in love,” chastises Bruce Irving, a long-time producer of “This Old House.”
Irving, now a renovation consultant in Cambridge, Mass., and I are talking about how to know when to fix up an old house or when to turn heel and run from it like a single gal ditching a married man on the make who has herpes and a felony past.
Irving’s insights – earned after 33 renovations during his 17 years with the show – make me wish I’d known someone like him years ago when my husband, Dan, and I bought our first house, a love nest turned money pit. As he shares his advice, I start having flashbacks of the Vietnam War, which I had no part of.
The house was a wooden California bungalow built in 1936. We bought it in 1989 and were married in the yard two weeks later. (Dan says we were married in the driveway, but that’s not true.)
Our first night in the old house, we learned what roof rats were. We had herds of them carrying pedigrees dating back to the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria. The first rains came and the roof leaked like cheesecloth. We had to set out every vessel we could find that would hold water, including my mother-in-
law. We bought the house intending to remodel it, just not so fast. So began our cautionary tale of loss, heartbreak, remodeling addiction, old house seduction, and financial doom.
Marni Jameson is a nationally syndicated columnist who lives in the Denver area. Contact her through marnijameson.com.
Seven things to consider before buying a fixer-upper
Bruce Irving’s lessons hit me like labor contractions. Here’s what he says to consider before fixing a fixer:
1. Your remodeling compatibility. Couples should tackle something small, like installing a mailbox, before taking on something major. We heedlessly dove in and spent the next four years taking an 1,800-square-foot house, down to 1,100 feet and building it up to 3,500 square feet, an undertaking I’d recommend for anyone who wants to kill the romance in a new marriage fast.
2. Time it right. Don’t undergo a renovation when establishing a marriage, or raising a young family, he says. I flash back on the day my water broke in the unfinished kitchen with workers standing around. As I’m heading for the hospital, I holler: “This kitchen better be done when I get back!” As if I had any leverage. Don’t remodel if both partners work because one needs to manage the project full time. We both worked. So far we’re 0-for-3.
3. Don’t underestimate what it takes. Most people grossly underestimate the time, energy and money they will need to invest. The only reason we’re still married is because when we couldn’t stand each other any more, separation talks would break down over who would get the house. Neither of us wanted it!
4. Get an inspection. Many inspectors don’t want to be deal breakers, but most will tell you what’s wrong if you listen. Note: You don’t hear anything when you’re young and in love.
5. Appraise the neighborhood. Have a real estate expert – preferably not one involved with your deal – give you the neighborhood spread. That is, the price range houses are selling for. You want to know what you could safely invest and not price yourself out of the neighborhood. Our seller (a clever attorney) showed us a set of architectural plans that would double the size of the house for a modest – and ultimately absurdly low – price. We were stupid squared.
6. Go to the city. Find out what’s allowed – and what’s not. If you’re in an historic district, exterior house remodels may be tightly controlled. Check out the permit process, covenants and setbacks. Investigate every regulatory body that may have a say in your remodel. No one told us that because codes had changed, to do any work on this hillside home we would have to put in caissons, a fancy word for big fat expensive underground cement pillars that shore up hillside structures and drain bank accounts. We needed 14 caissons sunk 24 to 32 feet into bedrock. There went our entire building budget. And, trust me, no one has ever driven up to that house since and said: “Wow, love those caissons.”
7. Make two lists: What needs to be done. What you want done. Must haves in a house include hot and cold running water, heat, no leaks, and good locks to keep intrusive family members out, which may mean the children. On your wish list may be a new kitchen, updated baths, a few walls moved, and a large inheritance, which may make you rethink the locks. Get realistic, detailed bids, add 30 percent and the cost of a good marriage counselor, then subtract five years from your life. Perhaps Irving’s most telling revelation: The last two homes he has purchased were brand new.
