Dear Amy: For years, my mother has battled an obesity problem. Two years ago, my brother, sister and I sat down with her and my father in an intervention-like discussion about her weight. My dad is overweight but not obese.
We voiced our concerns about her not being around for her grandchildren much longer. We encouraged and suggested various diets, and we went online and researched programs. The tears flowed, and after agreeing that she would “do something,” things went back to normal after a short time.
My mom has never been a fan of doctors, and while she is not critical of them, she is the type of person who “knows what’s best” for her. I have offered up this drastic solution to my siblings: To confront my parents again and say that they will not be able to see their grandchildren again until they enroll in a weight-loss program and we see very positive results.
They love their grandchildren more than anything in this world, and if this doesn’t open their eyes, nothing will.
My brother and sister dismissed the idea immediately. My sister used the word “cruel” in describing my idea. But tell me how killing yourself in front of your children and grandchildren’s eyes isn’t cruel? My brother and sister see Mom and Dad more than I do because they have younger children and my parents babysit for both of them.
I wonder if you think that my idea is viable?
– Worried Son
Dear Worried: One cardinal rule to successful interventions is that all participants must adhere to the “bottom line” for the intervention to work. Because your siblings clearly don’t intend to withhold their children from your parents, this particular non-negotiable option has no teeth.
You either don’t have children or your children are too old to be affected by this, so it is interesting that you choose to withhold other people’s children as a way to control your parents – I’m not surprised that your siblings don’t want to go along with it.
If getting healthy to extend their lives for their sake and the sake of their family doesn’t provide incentive enough for your parents to alter their choices, then I don’t know how removing the people they love the most would do anything other than depress them, possibly causing them to become more self-destructive.
I’d suggest continuing with a positive approach, along with ongoing encouragement and support, under the care of a physician. Your family might benefit from Overeaters Anonymous. The Web address is oa.org.
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