Dear Amy: I love my job, but whenever we have work-related social events, I have become the designated driver because I don’t drink, for medical reasons.
At the last party, one person got sick on the way home, and another had moved the previous day and couldn’t remember her new address. We had to call her boyfriend at 2 a.m.
This year for the annual holiday party, a co-worker asked me to keep an eye on the guests and then sign off at the end of the evening attesting to the fact that no one was leaving drunk.
I quickly said that I had plans for that date and couldn’t be there. If something happens, I believe I could be liable.
What do you suggest I do?
– Anne From Plainfield
Dear Anne: You are wise to get out from underneath this burden. My own anecdotal experience is that companies are backing away from sponsoring events at which people drink to excess. It creates liability problems for whomever is pushing the drinks.
Being the lone sober person doesn’t make you legally liable for the behavior of (or risks taken by) drunken people. After all, how are you supposed to judge them accurately? The fact that a co-worker is asking you to “sign off” on fellow colleagues’ relative sobriety is passing the buck and rude – to say the least.
You might want to start the new year by speaking to your supervisor about this. You say that you love your job, but babysitting your colleagues is an undue burden.
…
Dear Amy: I’ve always been timid and reserved. I’ve always demanded respect in the way that people talk to me.
My husband has always been a caring man. He is my good friend, is supportive of my moods and is a patient lover. I don’t know why I chose to defy him, but I did.
For 20 years I had been going to a female doctor, who is now retiring. She suggested a male OB-GYN for my annual Pap smear and exam. My husband asked me not to go to a male doctor.
I went to the male doctor anyway, and then told my husband that it was no big deal and that he was being silly. I told him that the doctor was very polite and respectful.
Since then, my husband has been distant. He says he guesses he’ll always love me but that he no longer respects me. He feels no desire to ever again be close.
I suggested counseling, but he says it’s pointless and that we will forever be poisoned.
Could my marriage be finished over this?
– Defiant Wife
Dear Wife: I’m not sure why choosing your own health-care provider is an act of defiance, but it seems that in your marriage, it is.
So, if this is an act of defiance, then why did you do it? And why, in your marriage, does your husband get to tell you which doctor to see? And why does he have the right to reject you because you’ve made your own choice? This is really a struggle for autonomy and control.
The two of you need counseling. A skilled marriage counselor can help to pick apart the tangled skeins of this power struggle and reveal what is really going on. However, when it comes to counseling, it doesn’t always take two to untangle – if he won’t go, then go by yourself.
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