Dear Amy: I met a man nearly a year ago through a group of friends who sing karaoke at the local bar. We haven’t really talked until recently. From what I know (which is very little), I like him. A lot.
I mustered up the nerve to tell him how I felt. I said I would like to spend more time with him because I think he’s a nice person and I am attracted to him. He thought that was a great idea! That was more than a month ago, and to this day I haven’t been out on a date with him. We still talk as much as we have before, but he never brings up the topic of us hanging out together.
I’m beginning to think that he isn’t as interested in me as I am in him. I am trying to figure out why he wouldn’t tell me that. I would rather have my feelings hurt by the truth than by deception.
There are little things that he does that make me think that he is interested in me. For instance, he will ask me to sing a duet with him during a karaoke show. Or he will make me give him a call when I get home to let him know that I made it home safely.
Once, I stopped phoning him because I was going through some things at home, and when I saw him again in person, he wanted to know why I stopped calling. He wanted to know if he did something wrong.
This confuses me to the core.
I just got out of a very long marriage, and he is the first person I’ve felt attracted to in three years! Can you please give me a little advice? I’m not sure how much more I can take before I get frustrated and move on.
– Singing the Blues
Dear Singing: Welcome to the single life, my dear. It’s just like seventh grade, but with cellulite.
I’m an advocate for honesty when it comes to these things. If you’re interested in someone, then it’s fine to say so.
You’ve told Mr. Karaoke that you’re interested in him (though please continue to resist the temptation to profess true love, OK?).
Now it’s time to be cool and back away a little bit.
I realize that this is challenging, but you need to give this person a chance to demonstrate his interest in you. If he wants to talk to you, then he can call you. If he asks you what’s wrong, it’s fine to admit your confusion.
This guy might be as clueless as you are (everybody is at least a little bit clueless when it comes to dating), or he might be not quite divorced, gay, perennially passive and coy, or simply not that into you.
You should get busy singing duets with other people.
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