Just in time for Valentine’s Day, scientists are announcing the results of a two-decade-long study that explored the connection between insecure infants and relationship problems in young adults. Turns out the kind of baby you were at 12 months can say a lot about the kind of lover you will be at 21.
“If you are more insecure when you are 1, you are more likely to experience more negative emotions in your relationship with your current partner when you are 21,” said psychologist Jeffry Simpson at the University of Minnesota, co-author of the study.
The study, in the current issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, tracked 78 people over nearly a quarter-century, starting when they were babies. Mothers and infants were brought into a lab, and the mothers were asked to leave briefly. The infants became upset, but the psychologists were interested in what happened when the mothers returned. Some infants clung tightly to their mothers and sought comfort. In a little while, they calmed down. But others refused to calm down even after lengthy soothing. And some babies refused to turn to their mothers for comfort at all.
Simpson said research shows that secure infants, when upset, turn to their parents: “The kid learns, ‘I can count on my parents to calm me down.’ They learn to turn to others. Whereas insecure kids learn that my parent is either rejecting or they learn my parent is neglectful. Or ‘I have to protest to get attention.”‘
The researchers checked in with the children again when they were in grades one to three and again when the kids were teens, looking closely at whether they reached out to others for support.
Finally, the researchers studied the people when they were between ages 21 and 23. They asked the volunteers how often they felt happy or sad in their romantic relationships. The volunteers’ romantic partners were asked to describe the relationship as well. Finally, the couples were presented with a conflict and given 30 minutes to try to resolve it.
“We find if you are insecure at age 1, that predicts being rated as being less socially competent than your peers during grades one, two, three, which predicts less reliance on your best same-sex friend when you are upset at 16, which then predicts more negative emotion in a romantic relationship at age 21 to 23,” Simpson said.
