Dear Amy: How can I tell a friend and co-worker that her gum smacking and cracking is irritating to me and to others in the office? I don’t want to cause any discomfort or hard feelings.
This is something that happens all day in the office and in social situations, as well.
Dear LMP: As an avid gum chewer, I maintain that those of us who chew gum don’t mean to offend others and can only know we are offending others if we are told.
Here’s what you do: Take your friend and colleague out for coffee and say, “I have a confession to make. I’m embarrassed that I didn’t mention this earlier, but the sound you make when you chew gum is really loud. I can hear it in my cubicle, and it’s pretty irritating to me. I’m sure that you’re not aware of it, but do you think that you could chew silently?” Asking a question at the end of this sort of statement is key.
Framing it as a challenge invites the person to say, “Sure. I can do that.” It’s not a good idea to say, “This bugs me and everybody else too” because you shouldn’t presume to speak for other people.
If this persists, it is completely legitimate to speak to your supervisor about it.
…
Dear Amy: I want to offer an additional comment after reading letters in your column about who should pay for weddings.
When our son got married, everyone communicated about the expenses.
Her dad paid for the wedding; my husband and I paid for the honeymoon; and an aunt who is a minister flew into town to do the ceremony.
Everyone was available for advice but only when asked.
Five years later, when the young couple bought their first home, everyone contributed. Her side of the family did a lot of the remodeling; we contributed a fair sum of money; and we all chipped in with work.
Recently, my son said – not for the first time- “Thanks, Mom. We couldn’t have gotten the place without you!” Now they are expecting their first child, and I know there will be a “village” of friends and family involved as time goes on.
– A Portland Reader
Dear Portland: Though I’ve gone on record advocating for couples to finance their own weddings, when they come from families such as yours, with the means and ability to get along even as you are writing checks, this more traditional arrangement can work out very well. This is a lovely example of how levelheaded and well-adjusted families operate.
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