Los Angeles – Nobody would like William Hung’s chances against Mariah Carey in a karaoke contest. Or a chocolate cake’s chance opposite George Foreman.
Welcome to the Rockies vs. Brad Penny. Nothing is fair and equal about this rivalry. The Rockies are nothing more than a bug on his windshield. He discarded them Wednesday night as he did all last season, strong-arming the Dodgers to a 3-0 triumph.
With a win, the Rockies could have equaled last season’s victory total at Dodger Stadium. They couldn’t manage a single run, totaling just two hits.
Against everyone else, Penny is a nice pitcher, a respectable opponent. Against the Rockies, he’s Sandy Koufax with a 5 o’clock shadow and a beer gut.
Since 2006, Penny is 6-0 against Colorado with a 2.31 ERA. If he had a sense of humor, he would have thanked the Rockies after landing the starting assignment in last season’s All-Star Game.
“I can’t explain it,” said Todd Helton. “There’s no getting around that he has pitched great against us.”
The Rockies squandered more opportunities on a dismal offensive road trip. In the first inning, Penny became the latest Dodgers employee to get booed for the traffic problems. He walked the bases loaded with one out. Then, as if scripted, he struck out Matt Holliday and retired Brad Hawpe on a slow roller to third base. Twenty-four pitches, no runs.
Two innings later, Garrett Atkins singled and stole second. There were runners on first and third when Hawpe stepped back into the box. He flew out to right. Twenty-eight pitches, no runs.
Sensing a theme? Penny labored, grunted and sighed through three innings, including a diving catch of a bunt. But after 65 pitches, the Rockies remained scoreless, hitless in four at-bats with runners in scoring position.
“It’s just luck,” Penny said. “You go out there, and the ball falls differently against that team. They were hitting balls right at people.”
Penny quickly settled down, slamming the window on the Rockies’ fingers. He finished with three strikeouts in 6 1/3 innings, leaving the bullpen to wring out the Rockies’ final breath. If Colorado is to contend in the West, it must, um, play better out West.
The Rockies have dropped consecutive series in San Diego and Los Angeles and fell under .500 for the first time since opening day. Starters are exonerated. Even though Jason Hirsh wasn’t as sharp as his debut, he kept the Rockies within arm’s reach. He surrendered three runs in a forgettable third inning when five consecutive hitters reached with two out. Nomar Garciaparra delivered the biggest hit, a two-run single to left.
“I didn’t have my best stuff tonight. I was able to battle through it,” said Hirsch, who had 26 friends and relatives in attendtance. “We know as we go forward we have to find a way to win these low-scoring games.”
Not once could Colorado match Garciaparra’s punch. The Rockies are batting .184 on this trip (35-for-190) with 47 strikeouts. Not once could they put a runner in scoring position after the fourth inning.
They were reduced to accomplices for their nemesis.
Troy E. Renck can be reached at 303-954-1301 or trenck@denverpost.com.
