Dear Amy: I have a friend who is highly educated but lately has had some professional challenges.
For the past five years, she has worked as an office manager and has been told by her boss for the first time that she has poor management skills.
I’ve heard from others that she can be difficult to work with.
She has applied for a position in my department, for which she is highly qualified, but I know that she is not being considered for it.
She knows that she is qualified for the job.
I have no say in hiring her.
She is lonely and depressed and is taking an antidepressant, but she is no longer in therapy.
I’m afraid that she will take the decision not to hire her very hard, and I want to help her.
– A Loyal Friend
Dear Loyal: What a good friend you are! But even the most loyal friend cannot inoculate a pal from the ups and downs of life in the workplace.
What you can do is ask lots of questions, listen carefully and provide support.
Most important, you can urge your friend to start seeing a therapist again. When she is feeling mentally healthy and able to control her depression, she will be able to navigate a lot of this on her own.
…
Dear Amy: A few years ago, when I was in my early 20s, I met a guy, and after only a few months, we moved to California together. It was too much, too fast, and didn’t work out.
I broke up with him and returned home, which left him devastated.
It has been hard for me to have new relationships because my ex is always on my mind.
A few months ago, I heard that he moved back to my area, so I called him up, and we got together and had a great time. He hinted about us dating again, and I heard through family and friends that he has been missing me and talking about me for years.
The problem is that two times since then, he hasn’t returned my phone calls.
If I happen to reach him on the phone, we have a great conversation. He says he wants to go out, but then I never hear from him again.
I don’t know if I should just let it go or if I should continue to initiate this “relationship.” What do you think?
– Dawn
Dear Dawn: Did you apologize to this man for ditching him and breaking his heart? If not, you should.
Your boyfriend might be very gun-shy about getting involved with you again. When you left, you may have left him with a serious case of the contemporary relationship disease clinically known as “trust issues.” Your ex’s relationship instincts may be telling him to steer clear of you.
You have nothing to lose, so you should contact your ex, perhaps by letter, and just lay it out there.
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