Dear Abby: My boyfriend, “Connor,” is very gallant. However, I believe he is carrying it too far.
Connor helps other women before he extends those courtesies to me. For instance, if we’re out with other couples, he will open the door for the other women before me. Sometimes he forgets me entirely. Also, when we’re in a restaurant, he will rush to hold their chairs for them while I just stand there.
At the end of the evening, he thinks nothing of leaving me to escort them to their cars. I have suggested that we do this together and that he offer me this treatment first, but he insists that it is proper protocol to extend this treatment to others first. Is this true?
– Beverly in Seattle
Dear Beverly: It certainly is not. What you’re describing is not gallantry – it’s a lack of consideration for your feelings.
A gentleman’s first priority should be the lady he’s escorting. When he rushes to assist other women before you, it means he’s thinking of them first. Their escorts – not yours – should be seeing to their comfort and safety. I’d say your boyfriend needs to brush up on his manners.
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Dear Abby: My husband and I are active seniors. We recently moved to an independent retirement community an equal distance from our two married daughters. Both are in their late 40s.
Much to our dismay, our older daughter has taken it upon herself to visit us frequently and unannounced at any time of day. She conveniently drops by when we’re about to depart for the dining room. We end up inviting her and being charged extra.
We have hinted to her about this; she dismisses it as if we were joking. We would like to get to know our new neighbors and join in the community’s activities, not “social-sit” for our daughter. Any ideas?
– Seniors in California
Dear seniors: Your daughter may mean well, but if you don’t nip this in the bud, you could be babysitting your oldest daughter until the day you die.
Stop dropping hints and tell her in plain English that you would prefer that she call before coming over to be sure it is convenient for you. If she tries to laugh it off, explain that you need time to adjust to your new surroundings and get to know your neighbors. And if she ignores your request and stops by at mealtime again, politely excuse yourselves and ask her to call next time, because you have made other plans.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
