Dear Amy: I would like to know your feelings about the now-proposed vaccine against the human papillomavirus (HPV). I find the idea that any of our daughters is going to be at risk for a sexually transmitted disease objectionable in the first place. In the second place, there are ways of preventing STDs. I would expect us to teach our daughters a set of values that would be more protective of them than simply relying on a vaccine.
I have five granddaughters, all in their 20s. Other grandmothers in my retirement community have all said that they would have given the vaccine to their daughters if it had been available when they were teenagers.
What would you do?
– Brooks in Virginia
Dear Brooks: In my mind, the HPV vaccine promotes sexual activity the way the polio vaccine promotes swimming in affected waters.
You, me, your daughters and granddaughters – and any men in our lives – are all at risk for contracting an STD. It has to do with being a human being engaging in any sexual activity, including sex within happy marriages. Values are no protection from viruses.
This vaccine, which can be given only to girls and women up to their mid-20s, and preferably to those who have never been sexually active, saves lives decades down the road.
A teenager receiving the vaccine now may be spared having cervical cancer in her 50s, after contracting HPV from her husband while in her 30s. (Most people have no idea that they carry HPV; researchers have estimated that 20 million Americans have some form of HPV.) According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, each year an estimated 11,000 cases of cervical cancer are diagnosed in the United States and about 4,000 women will die from the disease. HPV is the leading cause of cervical cancer. We are so fortunate that we have the opportunity to offer our daughters this protection.
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Dear Amy: I am a senior citizen, and I have been living alone for 25 years.
I recently met a fine man through an online dating service. We are both 72. He is highly educated and still teaches at a university. The problem is one of personal hygiene.
He comes to take me to dinner and a movie in dirty, baggy jeans and not smelling sweet. He uses snuff, which may account for some of the odor. His teeth are very brown (stained from the snuff, I expect) and look neglected.
I pride myself in looking as attractive as possible and being clean at all times.
Should I phase this man out of my life or let him know what I find offensive? Our conversation is wonderful, and he is a kind person.
It is hard to meet men in this age group who are healthy and fun to be with. Any advice?
– Late Dater
Dear Dater: You are right. Good men (and women) are hard to find. That’s why you should at least attempt to have a challenging conversation with this gentleman. Being honest and respectful is better for both of you than “phasing out” someone who is otherwise delightful.
Start with a list of positives: “I enjoy your company so much!” Then you continue, “I’m wondering if I can be honest with you about a couple of things that bother me.” Then say, “It’s really a hygiene thing, and I know that it’s easy to lose track of some of this stuff when you live alone the way we do.” Then gently and honestly tell him what’s on your mind.
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