Dear Amy: A letter from “Saving Myself for Marriage” asked at what age being a male virgin would be a turnoff to women.
I can tell you and him that it wouldn’t be a turnoff for me if the guy were a turn-on otherwise. I would likely never marry a virgin, however, because I don’t think I’d ever marry a man I hadn’t slept with first.
– Sexually Active
Dear Active: “Saving Myself for Marriage” asked “At what age does a man’s virginity become a turnoff rather than a turn-on? He characterized his virginity as his “greatest asset.” My view is that a person’s virginity is not necessarily his or her greatest asset.
Surely there is so much more to value about any of us than our sexual status.
I solicited responses from readers on this provocative question.
Here are a representative few.
…
Dear Amy: The day “Saving” started thinking of his virginity as the best thing he had going for him was the day it became a handicap for him.
If a man hasn’t lost his virginity by the time he’s graduated from college, he’s most likely waited too long.
– One Woman’s ap
…
Dear Amy: In my opinion, any guy who chooses to save himself for marriage demonstrates great discipline, character and virtue. All of these traits are extremely attractive, and any girl who does not appreciate this does not deserve him.
This guy needs to be reminded of what a great gift he will give to his future wife, the woman who will treasure this quality about him forever.
– Jenny
…
Dear Amy: If “Saving” thinks of his lack of experience in sexual matters to be his greatest asset, then he’s already lost.
Anyone’s greatest asset to a relationship is the emotional and intellectual maturity to commit to someone else; to be interested in someone else’s interests; to share; to be open to someone else’s ideas; to respect someone else’s achievements; to act in someone else’s best interests.
I once heard a long-married celebrity say, “Well, we decided long ago that if I’m always looking out for him and his best interests, and he’s always looking out for me and mine, then everybody gets what they need and nobody has to ‘take’ anything.” Skill in bed can be learned at any age, but basic decency, compassion, sharing, respect, honesty, integrity and moral character are much more valuable.
– Meg in St. Louis
…
Dear Amy: Tell “Saving” that past the age of about 22, his virginity is going to be considered a liability (not an asset) by most women who do not have firmly held religious beliefs.
– A Twentysomething Woman
…
Dear Amy: A sexual partner’s virginity is a handicap, regardless of age or gender. Would you want to ride in a car with an inexperienced driver, or learn to drive from someone who has never driven? A sexually educated, experienced and skilled partner is a joy to find, an asset in a relationship, and I find it difficult to understand why anyone would think otherwise. – Elizabeth
…
Dear Amy: The question: “When does a man’s virginity become a turnoff?” The answer: The day after the honeymoon.
– Nancy From Edmonds, Wash.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
