Dear Amy: Sometimes I feel that I am being played the fool by a couple who are lifelong friends.
For the last 11 years, they have come to visit us, staying with us for three to five nights at a time about two or three times a year. They often bicker in our presence, sometimes requiring our intervention.
In the last 11 years, we’ve never been invited to their home, even when they know that we’re coming to their area and need a place to stay. They’ve never invited us to their house. I’ve asked about visiting them, but the response always is, “Our place is a mess.” They talk about entertaining other people in their home, though, and have had important birthday parties, etc., to which we’ve not been invited.
– Foolish Friend
Dear Friend: If people accept your hospitality and aren’t willing or able to reciprocate, then the very least they need to do is to be “good company.” You sound like a pretty nice person in a one-way relationship that may have played itself out long ago.
Because you feel taken advantage of, don’t invite these people to stay again. If they have the idea that they have some sort of standing date with you, then you’re going to have to disinvite them.
…
Dear Amy: As a non-drinker, I am constantly in this situation: A bunch of us go out to dinner at a nice restaurant. Everyone but me orders alcoholic drinks, most often two, at $9 to $15 per glass.
When the bill comes, it is divided evenly and I end up paying for everyone else’s drinks. I don’t want to say anything for fear of looking like a cheapskate. Is there any way to avoid this, short of staying home?
– Crying in My Kool-Aid
Dear Crying: If you can’t bear the thought of reminding your friends that your bill is $20 to $30 less than theirs, then perhaps you should stay home.
But I think that you really should start standing up for yourself. Once this practice becomes established, it won’t be so hard to maintain.
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