Dear Amy: My son, an only child, will turn 13 in a few months. My husband thinks that when he turns 13 I should stop my nightly ritual of “tucking him in,” which consists of his getting into bed and me giving him a hug, kiss and telling him that I love him.
I say that you are never too old to be “tucked in,” and I plan on continuing to do this until my son tells me to do otherwise.
Let me add that my son has never been in trouble at school or anywhere else. He is an excellent student and a superb athlete.
I believe that the reason he does not get in trouble and does his best is that he knows he is loved and gets the attention he requires from his parents and does not have to get it by acting out inappropriately. What do you think?
– Loving Mom in VA
Dear Mom: I’m with you. The question I have is why isn’t your husband also participating in this loving, quiet and gentle nighttime ritual? Additionally, asking your son at bedtime, “What was your favorite part of this day?” might prompt him to reflect on his blessings and discuss his challenges with you.
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Dear Amy: I am an only child, and I am worried about my mom. She likes to party and dates all the time. Her last boyfriend lasted for a year, and she only left him because he tried to lock her in a closet.
She has a new one this year, and he has a 5-year-old son. I get stuck babysitting his son as they go off and party.
I’m worried because this is her eighth or ninth boyfriend. My dad died when I was 9, and she has kept a man in the house since.
I absolutely hate both this boyfriend and his son. And I’m worried that it’s not healthy for her to keep getting into these relationships.
Am I just being paranoid, or does she need help?
– Worried Sick
Dear Worried: Your mother probably does need help. But you need help too – and I hope that you will concentrate on getting some support for yourself.
You don’t say how old you are, but please find a trusted adult to share this with. You – and any teen with worries – could also call the Girls and Boys Town Hotline at 800-448-3000. This phone line is staffed 24/7 with counselors who will talk to you and offer support and a shoulder to lean on.
I agree that your mother is making very poor and potentially dangerous choices. You may not be able to help her as much as you would hope – but you can help yourself.
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Dear Amy: I am writing in response to “Old-Fashioned in Connecticut.” She states her 5- and 8-year-old children have to do chores. I am 12 and only have to help my mom with the laundry.
My other stepbrother, who is 13, does not have any chores, but he always sweeps the driveway after a mow, and does things such as trimming the hedges.
“Old-Fashioned” had her 5-year-old doing a chore harder than I do! We have to go to school three-fourths of the year, and then are expected to do some chore? Parents are supposed to work to support their children, and our views count!
– Dorian
Dear Dorian: A 5-year-old is probably not going to do a very good job of sweeping the kitchen, but “Old-Fashioned Mom” is trying to teach her kids that they need to be helpful participants in the household. I agree that kids’ views count, but you should also be expected to give your folks a hand.
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