Dear Amy: I am a late-40s woman with two young-adult children.
I was at a baby shower recently. Afterward, I went to give the mother-to-be a hug and asked her how childbirth preparation classes were going. She said that she and her husband were going to “wing it” and that the nurses knew what they were doing.
I was a bit stunned that this well-educated woman would have such a casual attitude. She said that her husband wouldn’t even look at a book about childbirth. I reiterated that the classes are just as much for the fathers as for the mothers. She thought I was off base and that everything would be fine.
I didn’t say so at the time, but new parents need to realize that the nurses will not stay with you the whole time during labor.
This expectant mom also said that they were going to flip a coin to decide whether to have an epidural. I think this is very irresponsible. These procedures do carry a level of risk.
Please help me figure out if I’m hopelessly old-fashioned. Are there people out there who wish they had attended some kind of childbirth class? Is this a trend of the past? Has childbirth become easier?
– Confused in California
Dear Confused: Many expectant mothers in past generations smoked and drank through their pregnancies, were knocked out during the entire birth process and had husbands whose only contribution to the process (aside from the conception) was to pass out cigars.
Obviously, this prenatal behavior was less than ideal, but my own experience giving birth was that the midwife wasn’t interested in my detailed birth plan and my regular obstetrician was out of town.
In the moment, the only thing I remembered from prenatal classes was, “Each birth experience is unique.” That turned out to be the best preparation of all.
Birth happens, whether or not you’re prepared. I don’t know if more parents are forgoing prenatal classes, but I am aware of a trend toward more babies being delivered by Caesarean section for the convenience of the parents and physicians, and I find that alarming.
Any mother-to-be should be aware of her medical options.
…
Dear Amy: My best friend of more than 20 years is turning 40. Her husband is planning a surprise party. He asked that people pay for their meal in lieu of giving a gift. When we received the invitation in the mail, I saw that he had chosen a very expensive restaurant.
My husband and I are a one-income family. I’ve chosen to stay home with our kids, so we have a tight budget.
I’m afraid to mention anything to her husband, because the invitations have gone out and I’m afraid that he will offer to pay for my husband’s and my meal. I just can’t not show up. My friend would be devastated, and if she knew what the five-course meal is going to cost everyone, I’m sure she would be flabbergasted.
I know her husband wants to make this a memorable evening, but I just don’t feel good about going into debt by hundreds of dollars over one evening.
What should I do?
– Distraught BFF
Dear Distraught: Contact your friend’s husband and say that you and your husband will be at the restaurant to surprise your BFF but won’t be able to stay for dinner.
You could have a drink with the group before dinner, wish your BFF a happy birthday and then discreetly excuse yourselves when it’s time to eat.
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