Giving advice to people in financial trouble is like throwing dust into the wind. You toss it out and, depending on the wind’s direction, it either gets carried away or thrown right back in your face.
People with money problems often want a magic solution. But the truth is, to make the most of what you earn you have to make hard choices. You have to listen to good advice, and use it.
That’s what one participant who joined me online did. I’d like to share that story and answer another question from that recent chat.
“Michelle, many times when someone tells you they have nothing left over at the end of the month to put into savings, you have told them they should consider moving or getting a roommate,” the person wrote. “I always thought that was extreme and kind of useless advice, until I did it.”
In this case the person moved from what she described as a great apartment in a great neighborhood to a smaller apartment in a so-so (but not dangerous) neighborhood.
“Sure my family is now kind of crammed on top of each other in this little place, but it’s … $600 a month cheaper,” the person said. “We now have six months of savings.”
“We’ve started college funds for the kids.
“No debt at all! My life is so much less stressful now.”
Unfortunately, another online chat guest is facing a different situation.
“My parents are in their mid-60s and have simply never been able to get their financial act together – ever,” that person wrote. “I am steeling myself for the eventual, ‘We are broke. You have money. We need help.’ Am I evil for not wanting to give them a dime, when I’ve warned them over the years?”
Would this person be wrong to stand by and watch while financially inept elderly parents lose their home of 30 years? By the way, the parents have $34,000 in credit card debt.
If you have parents who have spent a lifetime mismanaging their money, it’s unlikely that they will suddenly gain some financial common sense as they age.
All you can do is minimize the impact it will have on your own finances.
I would advise this person to put aside some money to help her parents with essentials, such as food, utilities and medicine. You don’t have to support their every need, just help with their basic necessities as best you can.
If you have siblings, organize a family meeting to see if they can contribute on a regular basis.
And yes, you might have to watch as they lose their home. Just help them find an affordable place to live, which might mean coming to live with you. Sorry.
Michelle Singletary: singletarym@washpost.com.
