She’s got a talk show, she’s got a magazine, she’s got a book club, and she got “The Color Purple” to Broadway. Now Oprah Winfrey, the Queen of All Media, has a TV network, thanks to Discovery Communications, which last week announced that it would convert its health channel into OWN — the Oprah Winfrey Network.
Debuting in 2009, the network promises “to entertain, inform, and inspire people to live their best lives.” All those hours aren’t going to fill themselves, so here are a few of our programming suggestions:
“Anything You Can Do”
Oprah and best friend Gayle tour America, “Dirty Jobs”-style, trying their hands at other people’s professions. See them be nightclub bouncers. See them answer phones. See them churn butter.
“Jump This Couch”
In this game show, contestants run an obstacle course through the “The Oprah Winfrey Show” set. Prizes include copies of “Dianetics” and DVDs of “Lions for Lambs” and “Battlefield Earth.” Plus free personality tests for everyone in the audience.
“Roots (Are Showing)”
Tired of that DNA-generated family-roots business, Oprah does a hair show. Every week she, her girlfriends and maybe you sit around and talk extensions, weaves and relaxers. In week one, special guest Beyonce takes us to the places to buy the best hair. Later in the episode we see it installed.
“Gayle King Needs a Man”
Tila Tequila is so over. This sizzling dating show has you-know-who’s best gal pal looking for true love. Oprah assembles the finest male specimens of all races and occupations to woo her friend.
“You Get a Car!”
A weekly automotive giveaway show (of mostly Pontiacs) with Oprah knocking on random doors, barging in, and yelling “You get a car!” to whoever’s home.
“Frey’s Anatomy”
Repurposed from Discovery Health, a writer is dissected into a million little pieces.
“Mornings With McCarthy”
Cormac McCarthy hosts this laconic gabfest for very early risers.
“Oprah’s Book Club Theater”
Tyler Perry adapts book-club productions and directs them in America’s communities. In Episode 1, Perry and a class of Beverly Hills middle- schoolers stage Jonathan Franzen’s “The Corrections.”
“You Don’t Say?”
Never heard of the Container Store? Neither has Oprah. This show will enlighten billionaires and poor folks alike by introducing viewers to everyday items, people and places.
“Wizard of Oz”
Pay attention to the man behind the scrubs as Dr. Mehmet Oz goes on a fantastic voyage to find parts of the human anatomy that look gross outside our bodies and that Oprah will comically refuse to touch.
“Steadman Walking”
Former Court TV producers investigate what Oprah’s beau does when he’s not by her side at red-carpet events or scarfing down those special paninis.
“Oprah Winfrey Presents: Oprah Winfrey’s Film Version of Oprah Winfrey’s Stage Version of Alice Somebody’s ‘The Color Purple’ “
Compiled by Wesley Morris, Sarah Rodman, Matthew Gilbert, Joanna Weiss and Scott Heller.
