Dear Margo: I met this terrific man on an online dating site. He had been widowed for 14 months and I was divorced. We fell in love and both felt confident that we’d found what we were searching for. We married, and since we lived in different states, I moved into the home he shared with his late wife of 21 years. After his wife’s passing, my husband had a portrait drawn of her that is absolutely beautiful. However, he has it displayed on an easel in the living room where we all gather to watch TV or entertain. One day, a member of our church came over, and while we sat talking, he asked if the portrait was of me. (I was both embarrassed and flattered; she was a beautiful lady.)
My issue is that initially I said it was OK to leave it there, but now I feel like he has two wives sharing the same house. I asked him to remove the portrait. He said he would … but it’s been weeks and it’s still there. In addition, he and his late wife adopted two sons who are now teenagers, and he said he didn’t want to be insensitive to them. Am I being selfish for wanting this painting removed from my sight? I also feel the children would benefit from not having it in daily sight as well. He said he would move it to one of their bedrooms, but is this fair? — L.L. in N.C.
Dear L.: This is a frequent problem when a partner has died relatively recently. The “successor” should understand that pictures and memories are part of ongoing life. On the other hand, the surviving spouse who remarries needs to be sensitive to the “newcomer” and spare him or her a shrine. I think you are wrong, however, to imagine that the kids would benefit from no reminders. This was their mother. Because your living room is also the family room and the portrait disturbs you, I vote for one of the kids’ bedrooms. I would also level with your husband and say you need more time to adjust to the situation since it is your wish to have no competitive feelings. — Margo, honestly
Prejudice Against Cartoons?
Dear Margo: I am a 20-year-old college student and an anime fan in a relatively conservative household. My family is intolerant of other cultures. Here’s how my family sees my hobby: “Japanese baloney.” Here is the crux of my problem: I had decided to save money for some anime that was only available online. I had the money in my hand, which was a gift from this Christmas. When my parents found out, they refused to allow me to purchase the products because I am “becoming un-American.” (I should note at this point that I am a dependent because I am a full-time student.) I would like to know what I should do to let them know I am not un-American. — Trying for Realism Here
Dear Try: Try making your case this way: The word “anime” comes from animation, which was, of course, perfected by … Walt Disney, great American! Though anime was popularized in Japan, computerization is key, not Japanese culture. As for your parents’ bias, you might tell them your interest in this is no more disloyal to America than driving a Toyota, eating French cheese or wearing Italian shoes. Tell them you are in favor of a global economy and they should applaud your embracing all of mankind. (I don’t know that you can re-educate them, but I gave it my best shot.) — Margo, convincingly?
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
