I hate to be depressing, but this is what life comes to:
If you’re lucky, you live long, raise a family, give back, gather some belongings and, depending how nice those belongings are, at the end have an estate sale, a yard sale or a bonfire.
Personally, I strive for an estate sale. But unless a revival in Pottery Barn furniture hits in 50 years, I don’t own anything especially estately.
But Lucy does. At 96, Lucy (not her real name) didn’t feel like keeping up her home anymore, which I totally get. So she moved into an assisted-living residence and hired a fine- furniture appraiser to sell the stuff her kids didn’t want.
That’s why I’m standing in Lucy’s former home, where her estate sale is about to begin. Being in a stranger’s home flipping over price tags should fall somewhere between tacky and illegal, but Dewey Smith, the appraiser handling the sale, assures me this is business as usual.
“Get ready,” he warns, looking at the crowd forming outside. He and his helpers assume their posts. At 10 a.m. sharp the door opens and bargain hunters cover the place like ants on honey.
The next few hours feel like rush hour as adrenaline-fueled shoppers strip the house of furniture, old rugs, artwork, dishes and books. “And I thought I knew how to shop,” I say to one helper.
“Some get paid to shop,” she says. “They’re pickers who shop for dealers who don’t have time.”
“I’m in the wrong line of work.”
I watch as buyers home in on their specialties. One couple makes a beeline for a French antique upright chest so heavily carved its maker certainly would have failed a steroid test. Smith says he already has a buyer for the chest, circa 1880, which is priced at $5,800. An A-list dealer at the presale made an offer, which Smith will accept if no one tops it.
Presale? A-list? Smith explains. The A-list (dealers and collectors with money) shops a private sale. The B-list (dealers and collectors with less money) gets invited to the presale. The C-list is everyone else. Because Smith is good at this, every customer thinks he’s on the A-list.
“You have to be careful,” he cautions. “It’s easy to insult people.”
Before this sale, Smith had already sold Lucy’s Steinway piano (for more than $20,000) and some of her fine art.
Later, an Iranian man and his wife zero in on a $900 Persian rug. Where I see a worn-out piece that I’d apologize for, they see value. The man explains that old wool rugs are rare from Lavar, an Iranian town known for ornate, collectible weaving. He and Smith settle on $600 for the 80-year-old piece, then the buyer anxiously rolls up the rug so shoppers don’t wear it down even more — as if one more hour will matter after 80 years.
The couple sells old rugs online. They’ll get $2,000 for this one as is, the wife estimates.
I’m learning every minute at this estate sale, although I haven’t learned what I’d hoped to: how to spot value among a bunch of junk.
“That takes a trained eye,” Smith says. And, I suppose, like the finely aged rug, time.
But I did adjust my standards. I can live — or die — with the fact that my belongings may never qualify for an estate sale.
I would, however, like to some day make the A-list.
Columnist Marni Jameson is the author of “The House Always Wins” (Da Capo, $25). The Denver Women’s Press Club (1325 Logan St.) hosts Jameson for a signing at 5:30 p.m. April 2. She will appear at The Tattered Cover LoDo at 7:30 p.m. April 3. .
Stately affairs
For inveterate shoppers and collectors, going to estate sales is a religion. Here’s what they know that the rest of us don’t.
What’s not hot: “It’s hard to tell little old ladies what their Hummels aren’t worth,” antiques appraiser Dewey Smith says. Silver plate, collector’s plates and china are also not big sellers today. Not long ago fine china, particularly Wedgwood, Limoges or Haviland, commanded a nice price. But today’s consumers want fine tableware that’s dishwasher- and microwave-safe. An 83-piece set of Haviland at this sale went for $400 (less than $5 per piece).
Deal breaker: pet contamination. No matter how much you love your cat, claw marks, accidents and residual odors mean rugs will need cleaning, and upholstered furniture recovering. Smith pointed to a moth-eaten spot in an old wool rug, priced at $1,200. The price would have been higher, but a cat did its business here. Moths feasted on the protein to lay their eggs, and . . . ugh. You get the picture.
Internet effect: As more retail stores close in favor of selling online, small items are hotter. They’re easier to store, pack and ship. Thus, large furniture pieces often languish.
Be a good buyer. Learn as much as you can about whatever you plan to collect or buy, then buy the best quality and condition you can afford. (Quality and condition aren’t the same: Something of good quality can be in lousy condition.)
Outlets for sellers. Besides estate sales, where organizers get a percentage, people also sell old belongings through auction houses (for very valuable collectible items), antiques dealers, yard sales, consignment shops, and online sites like eBay and Craigslist, or donate them. Note: It’s unethical for the person representing your items for sale, or appraising them, to also buy them.
