Q: My girlfriend’s jealousy marred the early years of our long relationship but gradually abated. Recently, when I returned late from a meeting, she again erupted in a jealous rage. To deter this, I want her to deposit $1,000 in escrow, to be forfeited if she makes another false accusation. She does not like the idea. Is it ethical? — Name Withheld, Toronto
A: In an intimate relationship, anything two people genuinely agree to that does not harm anyone is ethical, but as you note, your girlfriend is reluctant to embrace this plan. (Or, I suspect, embrace you when you suggested it.) The plan’s merits aside, it would certainly be unethical for you to impose it on her.
As to those merits, well, it’s tough to see any amid all the flaws. A loving relationship is not a business relationship. Contract law is not the best mechanism for regulating the tender yearnings of the heart. And a lover’s feelings, even rage, ought not be so crudely suppressed. Quite the contrary, intimate partners should be free to reveal themselves, to be known and understood.
Then there is the matter of symmetry. If you penalize your girlfriend for a false accusation, shouldn’t you reward her for a true one?
Q: My sister is close to a girl in Mali who contracted malaria. Her family can’t afford the necessary medication, so my sister would like to send it. With insurance, a week’s dosage costs $10; without, $200. My sister wants our father, a doctor, to prescribe the medication to her so she can afford to send several weeks’ worth. My father is sympathetic but will not commit fraud by prescribing medication in someone else’s name. Who is right? — A.C., New Haven, Conn.
A: Your father is right. Your sister’s goal is admirable, but her proposed tactic is not. She may not honorably con someone, even a corporate someone, into underwriting her charity, however worthy.
Her plan requires a physician to prescribe for a nonpatient, a violation of medical ethics, and to defraud an insurance company. There is also the problem of eagle-eyed insurance company inspectors who might query such a prescription, malaria being uncommon in Connecticut.
Your sister might instead join groups responding to the suffering of the many Africans menaced by malaria. There are programs to prevent the disease, through the distribution of specially treated mosquito nets and the use of insecticides and, more ambitiously, the development of a malaria vaccine. There are also efforts to give out medicines to those already afflicted. Various organizations — the Gates Foundation, the World Health Organization — are addressing the scourge of malaria. Your sister might contact them to see what immediate (and honest) assistance is available to her friend.
Contact Randy Cohen at Universal Press Syndicate, 4520 Main St., Kansas City, MO 64111, or ethicist@nytimes.com.
