Dear Amy: I am a 24-year-old college graduate. I landed my first real job and want to go to medical school.
I am in love with a 31-year-old man. I have been feeling pressure from my mother and my guy.
My mother wants me to continue to live at home and commute to work so I can save money for medical school and have a quiet place to do my homework. My boyfriend would like me to move out and take over all of the financial responsibilities of my life — all in the next month.
I am close to my mother, but her nagging about my studying for the admission test, along with our arguing about how I spend my money, is not conducive to getting any studying done. I fight with my boyfriend on a regular basis about not taking enough responsibility for my life.
I don’t have the resources to be financially independent right now, and I don’t have the energy to fight with these two people.
Could you tell me how to tell them to back off without passive-aggressive backlash? — Tug of War
Dear Tug: Your mother is monitoring your homework? Your boyfriend is giving you a month to do what he wants? (I agree with him, but I don’t like his tactics.)
Your mother shouldn’t be your homework proctor. The sooner you are out of the house, the better for both of you.
Of course you can be financially independent. You’re smart — now go figure it out.
If you can’t navigate your way to independence from both of these strong-willed people, then what kind of physician will you be?
Dear Amy: I am invited to several friends’ weddings, which means going to several wedding showers. So far, for every single one of these showers, the bride’s registry information has been enclosed with the invitation.
The latest invitation is for a “gift basket shower.” Guests are instructed to bring not just a single gift but an entire gift basket in our assigned “theme,” (i.e. kitchen, bathroom, etc.) This means that unless you want your gift basket to look meager and lowly, you must stuff it with items.
I was taught that a shower should be a celebration of the bride and not a shakedown for gifts. I believe it is rude of the hostesses to blatantly request multiple gifts. Am I out of touch? — Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: I have news for you, dear: A shower is an occasion to “shower” the bride with gifts. Gifts are pretty much the point.
Accepting a wedding invitation does not obligate you to attend a shower. If you don’t want to go, say so.
Dear Amy: We think you missed the mark in your response to the student nurse who wrote complaining about surgery personnel chatting on their cellphones during procedures.
We agree it should be documented and reported to the proper authorities, but primarily because it is a major risk for the patient.
Everyone involved in that surgical procedure, especially the one monitoring the anesthesia, should be focused on the task at hand and not preoccupied with distractions.
We are in the medical field and speak from experience. — John and Nancy
Dear John and Nancy: I completely agree.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
