Conversations have a history of taking odd turns at Cuba Cuba, the popular Denver restaurant that’s a small western outpost of Havana, or at least Miami.
But Monday evening, new standards were set.
First, the waiter laid out a family dilemma: “Any day now, my grandparents are gonna be kicked out of the nursing home,” he said.
The problem? “Well, it all started when they found granddad’s guns.”
We mulled this information a moment. Andre Dixion, the bartender, shucked mint for the mojito crowd, due to burst through the door any minute.
Turns out the man had his own family matter to discuss.
“I went to my first breast-feeding class the other night,” he announced. “I’m telling you, I left feeling like I could do it myself.”
Heads turned.
Don’t get me wrong. Andre has mastered subjects ranging from microbiology to mountain biking. And he’s an absolute genius at a barbecue grill.
Still, this was a bold statement for a guy, especially one built like a medium sequoia.
But Andre had warmed to the subject.
“It’s called Breast-feeding 101,” he said, pouring rum into a row of ice-packed highball glasses. “Now, breast-feeding may sound like a natural thing, but it’s not a 100 percent natural act. A lot of first-time moms have trouble with it.”
The waiter, suddenly less interested in the fact that grandpa was mixing guns and Geritol, allowed he had read that somewhere.
“At the class, they show you all different angles to hold the baby, plus ways to sell your baby on the nipple,” Andre said. Apparently a stuffed animal was used during the demonstration. We were all ears.
He did have one criticism.
“The only downside was that they could update the videos,” he said. “They looked like they were from the ’70s. I swear, one guy looked like Ron Jeremy, the porn star. I mean, the haircut and mustache and everything.”
Andre distributed mojitos, to the relief of certain parties.
This is the first child for him and his wife, Kristen.
It’s been an exciting few months for everyone at Cuba Cuba. Andre and Kristen are great people, the kind who should have kids.
With their baby due in August, the pair have signed up for several prenatal classes through Kaiser Permanente. One was for parents over 30. Another was called “Babies, Baths and Bundles.”
I had no idea what you learned in the latter, but Andre found it beneficial. “Off the record, the nurse was probably one of the top 10 beautiful women I’ve seen this year,” he said.
Andre has been a dutiful husband, giving his wife nightly foot massages and back rubs. “It’s been a real bonding,” he said. This was lost on some of his classmates’ spouses. “One mom came by herself,” he said. “She said her husband was at taekwondo.”
Andre actually has a leg up on many of his classmates. He hails from an extended family with lots of cousins.
“I did a lot of babysitting when I was a kid,” he said. “My wife? She’s held maybe three babies in her entire life.”
Andre began polling us, asking if we had been breast-fed as kids and citing statistics championing its worth.
So what about him?
“Well, I was adopted when I was 3 months old,” Andre said. “My birth mom had me for about two months, so I don’t really know.”
He paused. “But my child will be.”
Here’s to you, kid.
William Porter’s column runs Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Reach him at 303-954-1977 or wporter@denverpost.com.
