“Poor Tiger needs knee surgery.” “Poor Tiger has stress fractures in his leg.” “Poor Tiger is going to miss the rest of the season.” I can assure you that you wouldn’t have heard anything like that being said in television executive suites last week.
Instead, you probably would have heard: “Poor us, how could Tiger be so inconsiderate?” “Poor us, how could Tiger be so selfish?” “Poor us, how are we going to get anyone to watch golf again?” After proving to the world that he can beat every golfer on the planet with one leg tied behind him, Tiger Woods announced that he was removing himself from competition for the remainder of the PGA season to heal. That will exclude him from two majors, the British Open and the PGA Championship.
Fans are terribly disappointed. TV execs are throwing themselves out of windows.
The golfer’s announcement came on the heels of huge TV ratings for the U.S. Open, which Tiger won in a 19-hole playoff with Rocky Balboa. I mean Rocco Mediate. In fact, when Tiger shows up at any tournament, TV ratings soar. Sixteen million people watched the U.S. Open. Those are numbers usually associated with real sports.
So, it is understandable that TV executives are frantically trying to come up with a Plan B for the GWT (Golf Without Tiger) era.
And they will continue to discuss the matter until they come up with the inevitable solution. We all know what their Plan B is going to look like. It’s going to be a spate of new reality shows, game shows and talent competitions because they are the television industry’s answers to everything.
Crippling writer’s strike? Fill in the schedule with reality shows.
Summer doldrums? Fill in the schedule with game shows. Tiger’s leg is hurt? You get the idea.
So, let’s dispense with the suspense and get right to it.
Here are some programs that network executives might be considering right now to keep golf in prime time and out of the rough.
I’m not saying that these shows are definitely going on the air, but I am saying it’s possible.
OK, get ready for this:
• “America’s Next Top Golfer” — Each week, a group of young Tiger wanna-bes will be put through their paces to see which one will be crowned at the end of the season.
• “Dancing with the Golfers” — Well-known professional golfers will be teamed with lesser-known celebrities in a weekly competition that will include such familiar dance steps as trying to boogie out of a sand trap and waltzing through the rough.
• “So You Think You Can Putt?” — The entire competition takes place on a miniature golf course. Top golf pros will be tested as they try to negotiate around the windmill.
• “Project Fairway” — Young golf course designers are pitted against each other in a fierce competition judged by Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus.
• “Golfer Wants a Wife” — A weekend golfer tries to find someone who will put up with his obsession and agree to move the wedding if he gets a good tee time.
