Dear Amy: I am a 14-year-old girl.
A boy in my class recently called me a word that is apparently the “worst word a guy can call a girl.”
I had not heard it before, but my friend told me what it meant.
It all started when he “accidentally” threw a soft object at my head. In response, I threw it back, but he turned at the wrong moment and it hit him in the eye. I apologized and said it was an innocent mistake.
There was no damage besides the natural stinging an eye would have if hit by something. He stopped talking to me because of it. I thought it was funny that he got so worked up.
I started teasing him about not talking to me by having imaginary “conversations” in front of him. Then I said something along the lines of, “I could insult you and you wouldn’t do anything about it.” Then I said (not seriously), “Look at your shoes — they have holes in them, they look all old” — which isn’t even that big of an insult. He responded by calling me the bad word.
How should I react? I don’t want him to go around thinking he could get away calling girls this, although it is a word that I don’t think he uses regularly. We have always had a love/hate relationship.
I am a naturally friendly, funny, happy person — but not a pushover. — No Pushover
Dear Pushover: I must have left my sense of humor in my locker, because I fail to see what is funny about taunting someone in the way you say you taunted this boy. I realize that your intent is to portray yourself as the injured party, but your own behavior was abominable.
Did you deserve to be called the worst word imaginable, however? Absolutely not. I personally take offense that this word is even in circulation at all, not to mention that a 14-year-old boy is using it.
You and this boy both need to learn the same lesson — that there are consequences for demonstrating such a pronounced lack of respect for another person.
Dear Amy: I am a single mother with two children. We live on a tight budget. My neighbor invited my son to her son’s birthday party and my daughter to the party for her twins the following week.
My children chose the birthday gifts. I thought these gifts were fine — there was a boy’s gift and two separate gifts for the twins.
My neighbor called me the following week and said basically that her children didn’t like the gifts and they didn’t have enough room for them. She wants to return them.
She said a gift card was the usual gift.
I feel embarrassed and hurt. I would never tell my kids their gifts were unacceptable. I have always taught my kids to be grateful.
What do you think? I guess I just lost a friendly neighbor. — Puzzled
Dear Puzzled: I don’t know when gift-giving (and receiving) got so out of hand, but your neighbor’s attitude is representative of a prevailing mind-set that the recipient (or a child’s parents) should be able to choose their own gift — or take the money and run.
You are right to let your children choose what to give. This is an important part of their development. Your neighbor is aggressively ill-mannered (I don’t imagine she delivered thank-you notes to your children along with her little lecture).
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