Dear Amy: As a patient, I resent the use of my first name by doctors and their staffs. They call me by my first name, as if I were in grade school.
The American Medical Association advocates the use of patients’ titles as a matter of courtesy, but most physicians I’ve spoken to about this get indignant when I object to them calling me by my first name.
Once, an acupuncturist grew so angry at my questioning the practice that he actually got red in the face.
Your opinion? — Upset Patient
Dear Upset: I completely agree with you. Though some patients undoubtedly prefer use of their first names, it should be up to health care personnel to find out what people prefer — and respect their preference.
I’ll raise the ante by noting that some medical personnel dispense with proper names altogether and call their patients “Sweetie,” “Honey” or “Dear.” I’ve never seen a physician or nurse who said, “Oh, please don’t call me Dr. Smith — I prefer to be called ‘Sweetie,’ if you don’t mind.”
Health care workers have extremely challenging jobs. I understand that in most health care settings patients check in and out in an unpredictable fashion. Shifts change and employees are often faced with a revolving roster of patients. But each patient has a chart and on that chart, the patient’s medical and dietary needs, allergies and other important data are noted. Surely the patient’s name is also on the chart.
Patients should address their physicians and other health care workers formally and respectfully. Hospitals, clinics and doctor’s offices should ask personnel to address patients in a similar fashion.
Dear Amy: A relative of mine (who is married) has been having an affair with a woman. He has continued to see the other woman — all the while going through counseling with his current wife.
Recently, his wife became pregnant with their first child, but the “other woman” is also pregnant.
He is asking for advice. What can we — as his direct family — say to him? I swear that this letter isn’t really about me, thank goodness. — Seeing Double
Dear Double: So your relative asks for your advice now? Wouldn’t the advice have been more useful before the horse left the barn?
OK. Such is life. As his family, you collectively need to assure your relative (and his wife) that while you loathe his choices, you will love his children.
Starting now, he needs to be completely transparent and truthful. He must commit to having an exclusive, faithful marriage (if his wife will agree to stay with him). He must stand up, support his children and the mothers of his children.
In short, it’s time for him to be a man, and if he can’t be a man, perhaps he can act like one.
Your family should also reach out to his wife and offer her consolation and ongoing emotional support.
This situation may stretch your family to the limit, but I hope you will embrace this challenge and offer both of these children familial connections and affection. None of this is their fault.
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