Dear Amy: I am a Midwestern housewife, happily married for 10 years but now having complicated sexual feelings.
My oldest son has a best friend who lives nearby. As they became better friends, I became closer to this boy’s mother. However, over the years, my feelings toward her have become sexual.
I live in a very tight-knit, conservative community that would most likely look down on these feelings, if I shared them with anyone.
I’m thinking about confronting the boy’s mother, but I’m dearly afraid of the ramifications that my son, husband and the community would suffer.
Please help. — Miserable in Missouri
Dear Miserable: Your community won’t suffer if you admit to your sexual confusion. Your family — and the family of the woman you’re attracted to — will suffer.
If the parent you are attracted to were a man instead of a woman, surely you realize that by confronting the object of your attraction you would be tossing a grenade into your — and the other — marriage and family.
It is a supremely selfish act to do this. I’m not suggesting that you deny your sexual questions, but that you work this through privately before you make any sudden gestures.
Your happiness and satisfaction aren’t the only important issues. There are other people involved, and you should approach your situation with extreme caution.
This is an issue best worked out in therapy. A counselor will help you process these feelings, explore your emotions and sexual orientation, and arrive at a conclusion.
I urge you to behave ethically when you decide to act. That means that you should deal with your own marriage and family before interfering with someone else’s.
Dear Amy: Do you mind putting in a word about airline etiquette? I fly coach six times a year.
I’m tall. Often the person in front of me puts the seat back all the way. Yes, I know they are within their rights, but it’s hardly considerate.
Also, fairly often I end up sitting alongside nonstop talkers. It is really quite annoying.
Your thoughts? — Mr. Big in California
Dear Mr. Big: You should investigate the possibility of flying another airline for your occasional trips. I’ve noticed on my travels that the distance between seats differs from airline to airline.
Also, some airlines offer extra legroom (for an extra fee, of course).
You might also try sitting in a bulkhead seat. You have to stow all of your stuff overhead, but at least you won’t have to examine the scalp of the person in front of you.
Your fellow passengers have the right to chat. Try wearing headphones or opening a book to discourage talkers.
Dear Amy: I want to chime in on the letter you ran from “Margaret,” whose son Jack had a constant visitor whose parents offered little or no reciprocation.
My brother and I were brought up in an extremely dysfunctional home. Now, in our 70s, we sometimes talk about the families of our friends who took us places and modeled what a normal family could be like.
We both realize that nothing in our childhoods could have been more positive for our development than the homes and lives of the families of our friends. — Gloria
Dear Gloria: I hope that these childhood experiences helped to prepare you and your brother for a happy family life.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
