Dear Amy: I have been dating a wonderful guy, “Jackson.” His family has an annual memorial service for his older brother, “Rob,” who committed suicide a few years ago.
I moved here from another state, so I never knew the family before I started dating Jackson, who recently told me that I would be invited to the next memorial service.
I am an emotional person who is easily moved by sad events, and I anticipate that I will cry at this service. Because I didn’t know Rob, I worry that the family will find this inappropriate.
Several years ago, I was dating a guy whose father died of cancer while we were in graduate school in another country. I cried when he told me of the death, but he yelled at me because he said I had no reason to cry because I never knew his father. Now, I’m confused about attending Rob’s memorial service. Should I find a reason not to attend? — Tearing Up Already
Dear Tearing: You should let “Jackson” know that you may cry at this event and ask him how it would make him or his family feel if you did. It might make a family uncomfortable if a relative stranger sobbed at a memorial service for someone she didn’t know.
You don’t want to become the center of attention at an event that has nothing to do with you.
If you attend the service and find that your emotional reaction doesn’t match those of others in the room, you should excuse yourself until you can get it together.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to the letter from “Anonymous” who said she and her husband did not want children. Now, all of a sudden, she doubts her decision not to have kids.
Let me tell her: “Don’t do it!” I didn’t want any children, and after just one exposure I had a baby.
It doesn’t end there, because they just keep coming. I raised my child. I raised the grandchild and now I’m raising my great-grandchild.
How many times a day do I say to myself, “We should have used a condom.” — Also Anonymous
Dear Also: Your letter illustrates the unfortunate consequence of raising an unwanted child, who in your case evidently stayed unwanted.
I take the fact that you raised a grandchild and are now raising a great-grandchild as evidence that your attitude toward children filtered down to your own child — and your grandchild as well.
When you found yourself pregnant after one “exposure,” you could have placed your baby for adoption and at least given it a chance of growing up with motivated and loving parents.
Dear Amy: I can’t believe your response to “Sick of Excuses in Florida,” who was remarking on the unfair division of labor when it comes to housework. You mused that women might not appreciate the work that men do outside of the home.
Any work — no matter if it is automotive, yard work or cleaning the bathroom — is unisex work.
I’m a 19-year-old female who does all the automotive repairs at the house where I live with my best friends. My mom does most of the yard work with some help from my dad, and yet all the so-called “women’s work” still ends up being just that.
Why is it that I do the automotive work, and we all do the yard work but my dad can’t do the housework? His excuse is he claims he’ll end up doing it wrong. It’s complete bull.
It’s not that hard to wash off the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, and it’s certainly not hard to clean a bathroom. — No Excuses
Dear No: I’ve heard from many women reflecting your view that men simply don’t step up when it comes to housework.
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