Dear Amy: We have a female boss who sends flowers to some of our female colleagues on their birthdays. The problem is that she gives to some and not others. Many of us have worked here for many years, and this favoritism has deeply hurt some of us who have worked hard for her.
Those of us who are ignored have spoken about this among ourselves, but we do not know how to handle it with her.
We worry that talking to her personally could mean that she would make our jobs miserable, but we think if you respond with a solution, we could show it to her. We’re afraid of her.
She shows such favoritism to some workers that it makes the rest quite unhappy. It makes us hate our jobs! — Worried Worker
Dear Worried: Your boss sounds like a pill — and not a very good boss. The best bosses inspire their colleagues to put forth their best efforts. If your boss has a boss, or your workplace an HR department, this matter could be brought to their attention.
Dear Amy: My uncle hosted a reception for his daughter and her new husband. They were married a month earlier in an exotic location, and the reception was for relatives and friends.
It was a very nice affair held in a lovely setting. However, there was one incident that’s really bugging me. During the couple’s first dance, her sister’s 3-year-old son and a little girl walked onto the dance floor and began dancing together.
The bride’s sister (my cousin) and her husband didn’t retrieve them. While the couple was having their first dance, the photographer wasn’t taking photos of them but of the two children! The focus of the event shifted to the kids.
My elderly relatives were gushing about how cute the children looked. Meanwhile, I looked over, and there’s the bridal couple in their first dance looking like uninvited guests at their own party.
Part of me thought of walking onto the dance floor and shooing the children off. Part of me thought of walking over to my cousin — the child’s mother — and saying something. Instead, I walked out for some air.
What would you have done? — Sheep
Dear Sheep: Smart brides and grooms know that they are no match for their pint-size guests, with a built-in awww factor.
It would have been best for the parents to take the children off the floor during the couple’s first dance, but it’s important to remember that weddings aren’t just about the bride and groom, but about families coming together, and these quirky incidents can be charming.
Dear Amy: Thank you for your balanced opinion on the subject of “owning” our feelings. To own our feelings should not mean to take the burden off someone who has inflicted injury, whether intentional or not. To truly make peace, we must be free to express our feelings as calmly as possible given the situation (and sometimes one can wait, think and respond better outside of the moment of the event), and we must be honest so that the one who inflicted the injury has the opportunity to make an apology, or change his/her mind, or make restitution. — A Reader
Dear Reader: Some people believe that when you’re hurt, it’s your sole responsibility to get over it. I believe that we are all responsible for our own feelings and reactions, but we should also be held accountable for our own actions. If people hurt you, you should let them know.
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