Dear Amy: We live in an old brownstone in a historic neighborhood. Lots of people walk by and take pictures of the homes and gardens. The problem is that they seem to think “historic” means “come right in and look around, use the bathroom, have a snack and stay a while.” Although we have posted discreet “private residence” signs on our doors and gates, if I don’t set the alarms each time we use a door, there will be strangers in the bathroom before we know it.
There are plenty of local businesses with restrooms, as well as public facilities nearby.
Our kids designed a nice map with restrooms, restaurants and the local historical society information for those who want tours, yet during the nice weather we return from grocery shopping to find folks enjoying picnics in our yard.
What am I to do? — Tourist Attraction
Dear Tourist: I have lived in high-traffic tourist areas all of my adult life. One thing I’ve learned — from being a resident and a tourist myself — is that people check their brains (and occasionally their good manners) when they’re on vacation.
Upon finding strangers in your bathroom, rather than extend your hospitality with a snack and a tourist map, you might want to say, “Please get the heck out of my house.” You should install a historically correct fence with a locked gate, continue to set your alarms, put folding shutters over the lower half of your ground-floor windows and go about your life with a welcoming smile and a wave to the tourists.
It sounds as if your local historical society could do a better job of educating visitors about the boundaries of the private residences in your area; you should encourage the society to do so.
Dear Amy: I have a crush on a guy who works in a shop up the street from my job.
For a month, everything seemed to be going well. Whenever I visited his shop, he talked and flirted with me, and we even exchanged phone numbers.
The other day, I found out from some friends that the guy’s ex-girlfriend had just dumped him. Should I act as though I don’t know and just remain a friend? Do I have a chance of pursuing a relationship with him someday? — Looking for Answers
Dear Looking: The best course is to act neutral and to watch for his cues.
If he asks you out and you’re curious about his status you can say, “Oh, I thought I heard you were dating someone.” Let him explain his situation and make your choices accordingly.
You don’t need to know everything in advance. He will tell you his story, as you will tell him yours. This process is called “getting to know someone,” which is something you should do before engaging in a romantic relationship.
Dear Amy: The man I’m dating is 50 and has never been married (I’m 54). I love him very much, but I have a lot of friends and can’t imagine life without them. He has no friends.
The people he socializes with are his 73-year-old mother and his 47-year-old brother (never married).
They don’t have any friends, either.
They go camping together, celebrate holidays and seem to “move in a group.” Alcohol is always part of their socializing, and I’m not much of a drinker.
This group socializing is odd to me. Don’t get me wrong; I’m close to my family too.
Why does this bother me? — Nancy
Dear Nancy: This bothers you because it’s completely different from how you operate. And it’s Alfred Hitchcock cuckoo.
You should think very long and hard about whether you want this life, because if you end up with him, his mother and brother will be part of the package.
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