Our house leaks money.
We stuff money in, as if filling a turkey, and it flows out the window, up the chimney, down the drain, into the garbage and through the door.
It swirls down the vortex of our water-sucking toilets and blows out through the dryer vent. Our house leaks money faster than a sorority house leaks secrets.
That leakage, on top of collapsing home values, hobbling gas prices and our first snap of cold weather, has put my husband, Dan, into stealth mode when it comes to saving energy around the house.
Thus, we are a home at war: We have water wars, light wars and heat wars.
“Who’s running half a load of laundry?” he growls.
“But our clothes are small,” one daughter defends.
“Who left the lights on?”
The girls and I look at the dogs.
Every night before we sit down to dinner, Dan roams the house, flicking off lights until the only one on is the one hanging over the dinner table where the four of us sit, surrounded by darkness, looking as if we’re about to be interrogated.
Our house is so dark that recently two burglars came by, and were surprised when I answered the door at the sound of their screwdriver in the lock.
“We thought no one was home,” one said through his stocking mask.
“Here, take this,” I said, and handed him our electric bill.
When Dan’s not looking, the girls eke up the thermostat. When they’re not looking, he shuts it off.
“It’s cold,” one daughter says shivering.
“Put on another sweater,” he says.
“I’m already wearing three under my parka.”
“Then get in bed.”
To be fair, I, too, can be an energy miser. When the heater is running, and I notice one of the kids has her window open, my mother comes flying out of my mouth: “Just wait till you’re paying the heating bills. Then you’ll remember to close the windows!”
Granted, Dan’s motives — save money and conserve energy — are purer than mine. Forget for a moment about the planet’s limited resources, global warming, our over- reliance on foreign oil and the tough economy. To me, the real question is: Why puff money out the window when you could use it to buy a stylish pair of fall boots?
Next week: more ways to save money around the house.
Syndicated columnist Marni Jameson is the author of “The House Always Wins” (Da Capo). You may contact her through .
Belt tightening
Regardless of your motives, fall is a good time to re-evaluate energy use and do some cost-saving home improvements, says Calli Schmidt, environmental communications director for the National Association of Home Builders. Beyond shivering in the dark, here are some ways she suggests to cut money leaks at home.
Beef up insulation. According to the U.S. Department of Energy, homes can lose up to 60 percent of their heating through areas where insulation or ducting is inadequate. Insulation keeps heat in when it’s cold out and is cheap compared with what it saves. Consider adding an environmentally friendly one, such as blown-in cellulose. Cover the water heater and pipes, too.
Patch cracks. Use caulk, new weatherstripping, or a spray foam like Great Stuff to patch cracks and openings around the house that let in cold air. Ask whether your local utility company offers free energy audits, or if it can recommend an energy professional to perform a blower test, which determines where leaks are.
Make the most of hot air. When the heat is on, close ceiling vents and open floor vents. Run ceiling fans in the reverse direction to force rising warm air down and keep it circulating. Turn off heat, or close heat vents and doors in unused rooms. Open window coverings on south-facing windows on sunny days.
Right-size your HVAC. If you’re replacing or adding a heating and air conditioning unit, don’t buy a bigger system than you need. Oversized units won’t work better but will cost more to operate. As with all appliances, look for the Energy-Star label.
Program that thermostat. Get a thermostat that lets you set the time and temp of the heating and cooling (assuming you can get the household to agree) so you pay for comfort only when you need it. Programmable thermostats cost $40 to $100 but save the average home 10 to 15 percent on energy bills.
Replace single-pane windows. Double-pane windows with glass labeled low-e (for low emissivity) reduce heat loss in winter and heat gain in summer — but only if you remember to close them. Because new windows are expensive, window insulation kits offer a cheap ($4 per window) and effective alternative. These temporary plastic sheets stick to your windows on the inside.
Go cold. Turn your water heater down to 120 degrees. Wash your clothes (full loads) in cold water. Hang them to dry when you can.
Put on a sweater. And add an extra blanket. Now go buy yourself a great pair of new boots with your savings.
