Dear Amy: Several years ago, my father started inviting a co-worker, “Jerry,” over to help restore an antique car. Since then the frequency of Jerry’s visits has increased.
Jerry (who is single and in his 40s) is strange. He hardly talks, and when he does his conversation is off-topic and bizarre. His stare makes my skin crawl. Unfortunately, when I visit, I can’t avoid him.
He’s at my parents’ house morning, noon and night, and only leaves when we go to bed.
I finally told my mother that as a young woman, I am extremely uncomfortable around Jerry and that I didn’t appreciate the fact that he and my parents had become a package deal.
My parents (who are in their 60s) heavily rely on him for everything from computer help to assistance with yard work.
Amy, as uncomfortable as Jerry makes me, I do not believe that he would take advantage of my parents. In fact, he does help them a great deal. However, I cannot stand the fact that every visit home now includes an omnipresent, creepy stranger. My mother feels sorry for Jerry and thinks he’s “misunderstood.” In my angrier moments, I want to tell my parents that if Jerry is there I won’t visit. But I also feel guilty for banishing a person whom they think of as a friend and who is a help when I’m gone. — Disgruntled Daughter
Dear Daughter: Your parents have every right to choose their own friends. Do you have the right to form your own opinion of their friend? Of course. Your parents can also disregard it — as they seem to be doing.
If your parents need so much assistance that they are relying on a creepy stranger to help them out, then as their daughter you should probably do more to ensure that they won’t have to resort to having Jerry in their house every day.
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