Dear Amy: My dear 19-year-old niece, “Laura,” is in love with a terrific guy, “Franklin.” I recently met him and he’s definitely sweet and fun and shares all her interests. They are truly best friends. What’s not to love? Well, I’m very suspicious that Franklin is gay, but in denial.
I’ve known a number of gay people in my life and my gaydar is pretty accurate. Laura, on the other hand, is a small- town girl and pretty naive in this regard.
If this were a “Will & Grace” friendship with all the cards on the table, or if Laura were a gay nephew, I would welcome Franklin into our family with open arms.
As it is, I fear that if I’m right (and maybe I’m not, of course), their marriage would end in devastating heartbreak.
I would blame myself if I ignored all the pink flags and let it happen.
I could talk to Laura’s mother about this, but if she asked, “What can I do?” I would not have any idea.
Amy, I hope you have an answer. — Anguished Auntie
Dear Anguished: First of all, your gaydar might be on the fritz.
After all, it would have to be pretty sensitive in order to accurately read someone’s sexuality — along with his own denial about it. That’s a pretty tall order.
Secondly, because you have already noted that you would welcome a gay person into the family with open arms, then what if “Franklin” really is gay? So what? It is not necessary to bring this up to “Laura’s” mother. It isn’t even necessary to bring this up to Laura, but if you choose to, do so with a question. “Do you think it’s possible that Franklin is gay?” Obviously, this is a very challenging question to pose, but you’re the one who’s convinced that “devastating heartbreak” is around the corner.
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