Ken Johnson, Phantom Pew Sitter, sounds like the title of a dime novel. A “phantom pew sitter,” a title coined by Johnson, is a church’s answer to the secret shoppers who slip through retail stores to assess the sales staff and facility. Johnson, now retired, has been a church consultant, preacher, church business manager, church music director and held other pivotal roles. He’s booked this time of year.
“The three most important times of the year for churches are the Sunday before Christmas, Easter Sunday and the Sundays in late July and August,” Johnson said.
“In summer, young couples with children have moved before school starts and are trying to find a church. Most churches have a tendency to lie back and relax in August. The pastor goes on vacation. The choir takes a month off. But that’s the time when you need the real service — the service people are going to be used to if they start coming to church here.”
Johnson has his phantom pew sitter consulting service down to a science. Before visiting a church, he checks its website and calls its main number, at night, to hear the recorded message.
He knew one church was in trouble when he got a brief recording so generic — “You have reached 303-xxx-xxxx; please leave a message” — that he called again, thinking he’d punched in the wrong number.
On the Sunday that Johnson attends a service, he deliberately dresses against the church’s demographic grain — suits for a contemporary church, informal clothing for a buttoned-up congregation. Will the church’s regulars approach an obvious stranger?
He arrives 45 minutes early, parking nearby to scout the parking scene. Do people greet each other as they emerge from cars? Do they park their cars together or with lots of space between vehicles? The latter is a reliable sign of an uncommunicative congregation, Johnson said.
Do greeters welcome people crossing the threshold? Are people lively and talkative, or silent? Is music playing as congregants enter? Do they sing the opening hymn?
“If I’m going to worship, then I want to worship,” Johnson said.
“But I was the only one singing, as a phantom pew sitter, at a church in Brighton. There was no reaction from others. It was a dead church.”
Other things on his checklist: Is the sermon relevant, with jokes to engage the congregation? Is the facility clean? Are children in day care or Sunday school? Is there a youth choir? Is there a bin collecting nonperishable food for the needy? Does the church bulletin describe ministry projects and upcoming events?
In the wake of his phantom pew sitter report, do churches institute the changes he suggests?
“About 35 to 50 percent of the time,” Johnson said, after a longish pause. Nearly all of his clients, he knows, hire him with the expectation of getting an “A” on his report card. But A’s are rare, and nobody likes getting a “C” or worse.
“Most churches I go to don’t do things right, but they don’t want to change what they’ve been doing for years,” he said.
“I’ve had older people tell me, ‘I know the church needs to change to grow, but they can change after I die.’ Well, by then, the church will have closed its doors. We just went through an election won by the side that said, ‘Change! Change!’ And that’s what most churches need to do.”
