Yeah, you. Little Drummer Boy. Help us out here, bro. Let’s go, LI-ONs, bum-bum, bum-bum-bum! Let’s go, LI-ONs, bum-bum, bum-bum-bum! . . .
Sure, sure, we’re supposed to be talking about all the playoff scenarios, what with only two weeks remaining in the NFL regular season. But it’s the holidays. Have a heart, will ya? Light a candle for the Lions.
Times are tough enough in Detroit. The last thing they need is a winless football team on their hands.
Come on, Saints, bail ’em out. Let ’em win one. Or at least let ’em get a few first downs. This is getting downright embarrassing.
It’s not now or never for the Motown Misfits, but it’s probably now or never. If they don’t beat the Saints today at Ford Field, they figure to go winless in 2008. Not only that, the CEO at Ford will have to fly coach.
So much for the lousy teams. Some good ones will be in action too.
The Giants-Panthers matchup in the Meadowlands will determine the top seed in the NFC. The Cowboys, meanwhile, lost to the Ravens on Saturday night in the final regular-season game at Texas Stadium, making their path to the playoffs tougher. And the Vikings have a chance to clinch the NFC North with a win over those feisty Falcons.
Happy holidays, couch commandos, and on to Week 16. . . .
Cincinnati at Cleveland
11 a.m., Browns by 3
Last meeting: Browns won 20-12 at Cincinnati on Sept. 28.
So much for “Romeo Must Go” T-shirt sales outside the stadium. This figures to be it for Browns coach Romeo Crennel. . . . The poor guy didn’t even get to go down swinging, what with Fourth Stooge Ken Dorsey running the show. Dorsey: 33-for-74, no TDs, four INTs. . . . Browns players want to send Romie out with a dubya and, conveniently enough, Bungles are today’s opponent. Cincy winless in seven roadies.
Prediction: Browns 30, Bengals 13
New Orleans at Detroit
11 a.m., Saints by 7
Last meeting: Lions won 13-12 at San Antonio on Dec. 24, 2005.
Memo to Lions players near and far: You’re running out of time. Win here or 0-fer-’08 is all but assured. Or maybe you think Motown Misfits are gonna beat Packers at Green Bay, where they haven’t won since early ’90s. . . . Lions’ pass D at home: 11 TDs allowed, two INTs. … Drew Brees needs 668 yards in final two for rare 5,000-yard season. . . . Ah, the wonders of garbage time. Motown WR Calvin Johnson has eight TD passes in last 10.
Prediction: Lions 34, Saints 30
Miami at Kansas City
11 a.m., Dolphins by 3 1/2
Last meeting: Dolphins won 13-10 at Miami on Nov. 12, 2006.
Chiefs inventing new ways to lose. Witness last week’s come-from-ahead fiasco vs. Bolts. . . . Did you know? Dawfins No. 1 in the league with plus-12 TO ranking. . . . We can hear free agents now: “I wanna go to MI-A-MI.” Why not? Phish have won seven of past eight and are seeking fourth straight road W. . . . With a win, Dolphins would set record for greatest turnaround by a 1-15 team. Two other 1-15 teams have won nine the next season.
Prediction: Dolphins 24, Chiefs 19
Arizona at New England
11 a.m., Patriots by 7 1/2
Last meeting: Patriots won 23-12 at Arizona on Sept. 19, 2004.
Pats coming off 23-pt. win over Raiders. What’s that? You’re right. Everybody is sooner or later. . . . Who knew? Three months after Tom Brady’s knee snapped, Patriots sixth in the Not For Long in offense. NE has won 14 straight vs. NFC, not counting the game . . . that counts most. . . . Location, location, location: Cards 0-4 on East Coast trips. . . . Pats looking to get back on track at home after losing past two in Foxborough.
Prediction: Patriots 26, Cardinals 19
San Francisco at St. Louis
11 a.m., 49ers by 5
Last meeting: Niners won 35-16 at San Francisco on Nov. 16.
Niner Niners led 25-3 at halftime in first meeting. . . . Check injury status of SF TB Frank Gore, whose ankle has been hurting more than Wall Street. . . . Game marks return to St. Looie for 49ers WR Isaac Bruce, who leads club with 52 catches, six TDs. . . . Greatest Show on Turf? Yeah, right. Rams 27th in offense, 29th in D, near the bottom with 11 TOs. Other than that, they’re talkin’ Super Bowl under the Arch.
Prediction: Niners 20, Rams 13
San Diego at Tampa Bay
11 a.m., Buccaneers by 3 1/2
Last meeting: Chargers won 31-24 at San Diego on Dec. 12, 2004.
Chargers looking for another miracle to stay alive in AFC West. . . . Bolts lead series 7-1, including 4-0 at Tampa. . . . Check injury situation with Bucs QBs. Brian Griese, once compared to Joe Montana by Mike Shanahan, doesn’t have Montana’s mobility, and Joe Cool is in his 50s. . . . Bucs desperate after losing back-to- back games within NFC South. . . . Tampa 20th vs. the run, third vs. the pass.
Prediction: Buccaneers 22, Chargers 17
Pittsburgh at Tennessee
11 a.m., Steelers by 2 1/2
Last meeting: Steelers won 34-7 at Pittsburgh on Sept. 11, 2005.
DT Albert Haynesworth sitting this one out. How big a factor does that figure to be? Titans 0-3 last season with Big Al out of the lineup. Steelers first in D — No. 2 vs. run, No. 1 vs. pass. . . . Steelers have won five straight. . . . Teams are winning with defense. To wit: Big Ben 21st in the league in passing, Kerry Collins 23rd. And did we mention both scored 13 points last week?
Prediction: Titans 17, Steelers 12
Houston at Oakland
2:05 p.m., Texans by 7
Last meeting: Texans won 24-17 at Oakland on Nov. 4, 2007.
Tom Cable ripped assistant Oh-line coach for joining Lane Kiffin at UT. Um, Tom, you don’t need any enemies. You’re gonna need a gig, too, in the next coupla weeks. . . . JaMarcus Russell: No. 1 in the draft, No. 28 among NFL passers. . . . Speaking of top picks in the draft, Huge DE Mario Williams leads AFC with 25 sacks since start of ’07 season.
Prediction: Texans 34, Raiders 19
N.Y. Jets at Seattle
2:05 p.m., Jets by 3 1/2
Last meeting: Jets won 37-14 at the Meadowlands on Dec. 19, 2004.
Not that Pro Bowl is a popularity contest, but Brett the Jet made it despite leading the loop with 17 INTs. New Yawk 0-3 on West Coast, allowing almost 30 ppg. . . . Game will be home finale for Mike Holmgren. He recently sent signals that he wouldn’t mind returning for next season. Ownership’s response? Don’t let the door hit one of your chins on the way out.
Prediction: Jets 19, Seahawks 16
Atlanta at Minnesota
2:15 p.m., Vikings by 3
Last meeting: Vikings won 24-3 at Minnesota on Sept. 9, 2007.
Michael Turner, meet the Vikings’ run D. Minnie giving up 3.1 yards per, and is particularly nasty in the dome, sweet dome. . . . Atl DE John Abraham coming off three-sack performance vs. Bucs. He’s second in NFC with 15.5. . . . With MVP award wide open, Adrian Peterson could win it with a monster day. He leads league with 1,581 yds, comfortably ahead of Turner at 1,421.
Prediction: Falcons 23, Vikings 20
Philadelphia at Washington
2:15 p.m., Eagles by 5
Last meeting: Washington won 23-17 on Oct. 5.
Jim Zorn says he feels like the worst coach in America after losing to Bengals. Our immediate reaction? Why hasn’t Al Davis hired this man. . . . Donovan McNabb playing like, well, Donovan McNabb after recent benching. . . . Good thing he’s back in lineup. D-Mac looked like the Michelin Man in that stupid jacket. . . . Clinton Portis says he’s cool with Zorn again. But then, it’s only Sunday morning.
Prediction: Eagles 27, Redskins 17
Carolina at N.Y. Giants
6:15 p.m., Giants by 3
Last meeting: Giants won 27-13 at Carolina on Dec. 10, 2006.
G-men planning to send Plaxico Clueless a lump of coal for Xmas. They had it all goin’ on till he went Barney Fife at the club. . . . New Yawk mired in losing streak for first time since first two games of ’07. . . . Carolina WR Steve Smith averaging 139 yards per in last four. But apB Dre Bly already knew that. . . . How are Panthers 11-3? Don’t ask Jake Delhomme: 14 TDs, 12 INTs.
Prediction: Giants 20, Panthers 16
Green Bay at Chicago
6:30 p.m. Monday, Bears by 4
Last meeting: Packers won 37-3 at Green Bay on Nov. 16.
Lovie Smith has said from Day One his top priority is beating the Packers. Players apparently got the message, as Teddy Bears are 6-3 vs. Pack during his tenure. . . . Bears tied for league lead with 29 takeaways. . . . LBs in today’s Not For Long don’t get many INTs. Oh, really. Brian Urlacher has streak of three straight with a pick vs. Pck.
Prediction: Bears 30, Packers 23
Jimmy tracker
Season record: 141-86
Record vs. the spread: 110-109-4
Highlight of Week 15: Jaguars over the Packers 17-16. Your final score from Jacksonville: Jags 20, Packers 16.
