Dear Amy: My best friend and I recently had an amicable split, realizing that we’ve grown apart and no longer have that close bond of friendship.
Prior to this realization, she asked me to stand up in her wedding as a bridesmaid, and I have already purchased the dress.
She offered to buy the dress back from me so that it could be taken in for her replacement bridesmaid. (The dress style was discontinued.)
I actually like the dress and had plans for it other than just the wedding.
I would like to keep it, but she’s telling me that I can find another dress to suit my needs and to not be so selfish.
Am I being selfish in wanting to keep a dress I already bought or should I sell it back to her so my replacement can match everyone else? — Stepping and Dressing Down
Dear Dressing down: You say this was an amicable split, and yet you two are continuing to play out what I presume was a dynamic leftover from your relationship.
It’s a good thing you bowed out of your nuptial duties.
It would be gracious of you to sell the dress back to the bride, saving her the trouble of having mismatched bridesmaids — or having to choose another dress style for everyone.
Do you want to be gracious? Or do you want to be seen out and about in a dress that is not only a memory of this former friendship, but also the matchy-matchy mirror image of several other dresses worn by women connected to your former friend?
Dear Amy : You receive lots of letters from people who feel their family members don’t thank them adequately for gifts.
Kids who don’t thank others for gifts reflect their parents’ child-rearing skills.
Years ago, my spouse and I agreed to split the gift-giving appreciation lessons.
He handled his side of the family and I handled my side — including friends.
My adult children recognize their gifts by phoning or writing to friends, as they did for my parents (now deceased).
As for my spouse’s side … lesson learned. — A Mom With Manners
Dear Mom: I really like the way you and your husband handled this. Now that gift-giving season is over, let the appreciation begin!
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