Dear Margo: I have been married for 21 years to a man who’s a member of a cult posing as a religion. It attracts a lot of rich celebrities, but also people who really can’t afford what it costs. My husband has given them tens of thousands of dollars over the years. When my parents died, I paid off $30,000 of his credit card debt from my inheritance. We have a child with a very expensive health problem, and because we’re both self-employed, we have terrible health insurance.
For the past three years my hubby has not wanted to have sex. He confessed six years ago to going to strip clubs, but I thought he’d kicked the habit. He never says “I love you” or displays any affection. I have kept myself thin and attractive, but recently put on 15 pounds. I am 49 years old and have a lot to offer, but feel I need to stay married for the sake of the kids. The youngest is 14.
If you know anything about religious cults, you know they are a weird bunch of money-hungry kooks, and his particular group badgers him to come to “events” and buy expensive books and tapes. All of it is a crock. They call at all hours of the day and night. By the way, he has an addiction to online computer games and plays them whenever he is home — ignoring the family. I’m not getting any younger. — Lonely
Dear Lone: Let us make a list. On the negative side you are married to a man whose “religion” requires money he cannot afford to give — and which does not seem to be improving his life. You have used some of your inheritance to clean up his credit card bills. Your child has expensive health care needs and lousy insurance, but your husband still supports his “religion” — and strip clubs. For three years (!) there has been neither sex nor affection. Furthermore, he ignores the family because he is addicted to computer games. Now, on the positive side … well, there is no positive side. I am not a believer in staying hitched, like two mules, for the sake of the children. They benefit not at all from a loveless home with at least one extremely unhappy parent, probably two. And you are right about not getting any younger. — Margo, correctively
The dog ate his homework and the hurricane wrecked your romance
Dear Margo: I have been “dating” a man for the past three months, and he constantly uses his job as an excuse not to see me: “Too busy.” Granted, he owns his own business, and after Hurricane Ike I can understand that he has to fix things up, but this is ridiculous. We barely have any contact at this point; whereas, we used to at least e-mail and talk on the phone. Now we don’t even have that. Am I being stupid for staying with him and continually accepting his excuses and giving him chances? — Stupid in Houston
Dear Stu: Honey, you are dating … he is trying to extricate himself. I always look at someone’s behavior. It is one thing to be super-busy and quite another to be incommunicado. I would chalk this up to experience — and not a great one, at that. Too bad this man could not have handled things in a more direct fashion. — Margo, resignedly
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
