Dear Margo: I have been in a relationship for three years. We are both 33, never married, no kids. He lives with his aunt and attends college. I live alone and we see each other on weekends. He has always been opinionated and insists his way is always right, but recently it’s been getting worse. He tells me things like, “I don’t give a rip about your feelings” and “Your opinion is stupid.” I’ve heard the last one plenty lately. I’ve given this man my time, love and money, and have received this poor treatment (with attitude) in return. I have been the best girlfriend I can possibly be, but it’s never good enough. He finds fault in the smallest details and has threatened divorce even though we’re not married! He has broken up with me three times so far. He is losing friends because of his attitude, and he’s about to lose me. There are some good things about him, but they do not outweigh the bad. I don’t know where all this is coming from. I hate to give up on him since we’ve invested so much time together. What do I do? — DeDe
Dear De: You cut your losses, hon, and as the farmers say, rotate your crops. Forget the time you’ve already invested and concentrate on the time you have in front of you. To stick with him is the romantic equivalent of throwing good money after bad. I cannot figure out what’s kept you in this punishing, if not masochistic, relationship for three years, but you are young enough to chalk him up to experience (a bad one) and invite him to inflict his charms on another young woman. You might want to look into why you’ve spent three years being a doormat for Mr. Obnoxious. — Margo, unambiguously
Delusions Sent by E-Mail
Dear Margo: Please help me with this. I’m in my early 20s and have been in a committed relationship for two years. Nothing to complain about there. The problem is my former boyfriend’s friend, who seems to think he’s in love with me. At first I was flattered, but told him kindly I had no plans to leave my boyfriend. I had never done anything to make him think I was interested in him. Over the past few months, however, he’s repeatedly sent me messages saying the same thing and implying I might feel as he does. I responded as I did before, telling him to please forget about it. That doesn’t seem to work. If I ignore an e-mail, he’ll send another one. Nothing works. It’s to the point where I’m really glad he doesn’t know my address. We live in different cities, so at least I don’t ever bump into him. Obviously this guy has a problem, because I’m not the first girl he’s done this to. He seems to mistake friendliness for flirting — but I seem to be the only one he continues to pester. I don’t want to try for a restraining order because I don’t think he’s a threat to my life. How do I get him to stop? I’m starting to feel like I’m in one of those crazy Lifetime movies. — Anonymous
Dear An: This chap is obsessive about women, and now he’s obsessing about you. There is clearly a screw loose when someone is told “no” but imagines it is really “yes.” I suggest getting a new e-mail address so that the next time he tries to be in touch with you it will bounce back. Perhaps technology will stop him whereas your demurs could not. — Margo, pragmatically
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
