Dear Amy: Our boss’ mother died recently.
Several staff members asked her about the funeral arrangements, and she told them that she did not know. Later, she was telling one staff member about renting a hall and contacting a caterer.
No one at our office was told the arrangements, but enough was known to know that it was not a “close family observance.” The boss treats the staff in an unprofessional manner all of the time.
Now an affiliated office wants to take up a collection to buy the boss a gift in memory of the boss’ mother. Many people in our office do not wish to contribute.
What is the right thing to do? — Confused Co-worker
Dear Confused: The right thing to do is to express your sympathy for this loss.
You seem to view this as a social event to which you have not been invited. Funerals and memorial services are not birthday parties or baby showers and your reaction to this is petty.
A small donation to a related charity or a remembrance gift would be thoughtful, but it is not necessary. An expression of sympathy is.
Dear Amy: “Future Grandpa” was upset because he didn’t want to loan a lounge chair to his pregnant daughter for her to use during her baby’s infancy.
I want to share this with you, him and the readers who were upset about your response to him.
When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I was talking to my mother-in-law about the hard time I was having at night; I could not sleep in my bed and back pain made it impossible to sleep just about anywhere else.
She didn’t say much, but the next day, my in-laws arrived at my house to deliver my father-in-law’s lounge chair for my use.
They wanted me to be comfortable and didn’t see a reason for me to spend money on something that would probably not be used for a long time.
As soon as I was able to sleep in bed when my daughter was born, I returned it in perfectly good condition.
My in-laws are some of the most selfless and beautiful people I know. — Lucky Daughter-in-law
Dear Lucky: I don’t see the harm in being asked to lend a piece of furniture to someone who could use it; and as I said in my original response to “Future Grandpa,” lending furniture happens frequently in families expecting a new baby.
Many readers suggested that Grandpa should chip in to purchase a new chair for the new mother. I enjoyed your tale of the generosity displayed by your in-laws.
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