Dear Margo: I have a contract position — very much needed after six months of unemployment. I’m doing a good job and get on well superficially with my supervisor. Here’s the problem: I am required to sit next to a 40-something schmo in an office with very low cubicle walls. He has easily audible sexual conversations with his multiple girlfriends and either doesn’t realize or doesn’t care that they are overheard. These are conversations describing how what she did (explicit) felt (explicit) exactly where on his body (explicit) during their lunch hour. I wear earphones and listen to soothing sounds to calm my nerves, but when he really gets on a roll, I go to the bathroom or the coffee machine. But there is only so much time you can spend away from your desk.
My co-worker on the other side, also male (but 25), is incredulous because he can hear it, too. As a contractor, I can be let go for any reason, with or without “just” cause. I can’t complain to HR. Bigmouth and his supervisor are big buddies. I feel trapped, demeaned and altogether furious when this occurs. I really try to keep my head down, ears closed and fingers busy on the keyboard, but it gets unbearable! Is there any solution? — Grossed Out
Dear Gross: Why can’t you go to HR? Or your supervisor? Such conversations not only have nothing to do with work and should not take place on company time, but they’re a form of harassment. This is nothing more than dirty talk in the workplace. I would not be so afraid of this lowlife. You could tell him, yourself, that he may not be aware of it, but many people in the office can hear these lascivious conversations, and no one appreciates them. I suggest you man up, to coin a phrase. If no one chooses to deal with the problem, you have a lawsuit. — Margo, righteously
Children and death
Dear Margo: I know you hear of many sad things, but this surely has to be at the top of the list.
My wonderful sister (33) recently lost her husband to cancer, and in addition to her own grief, she has three young children (8-year-old twin girls and an 11-year-old son) who are confused, sad and lonely, and who I fear have no real understanding of what “gone” is. It is heartbreaking, and I would love to help my sister and her children, but I don’t know how. Grief counseling, to my knowledge, does not deal with children. Do you have any suggestions for me? It is hard to watch people I love living through such a dark time. — Distraught Aunt
Dear Dis: My best suggestion would be a book recently released that is meant for guiding young children through the death of someone close to them. It is “A Parent’s Guide to Raising Grieving Children.” The authors are Phyllis Silverman and Madelyn Kelly. The publisher is Oxford University Press. Silverman is a pioneering researcher who ran the largest study ever done on bereaved children, and Kelly, the mother of two young children, lost her husband in the second Iraq war. (Mike Kelly was the first journalist to be killed, and I knew them both.)
These women met and decided to put what they know between covers. Both were deeply concerned for children experiencing loss and wanted to offer something of value to others. It was through their shared interest that this useful and supportive book was conceived. It is excellent. I seldom recommend books, but in your sister’s situation, I can think of no better guidance. — Margo, restoratively
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
