Dear Amy: I have been in a long-distance relationship for more than three years now.
We’re students studying at different schools, and we see each other about once a month and during holidays.
Lately I feel different in the relationship, I am very resentful that he constantly chooses to please his family and friends before me.
I suspect he feels so secure in the relationship that he feels he can overlook my needs because he knows we will eventually spend the rest of our lives together. I feel I am constantly sacrificing something of mine to keep the peace. I’ve tried communicating these issues in a nonjudgmental manner, but he gets defensive and won’t budge.
When we are together he treats me well, but when we are apart he forgets who I am.
I’ve recently met someone. I’ve never cheated before and feel awful. The other man knows that I am in a relationship, but he’s OK with it. He is sweet and kind, and treats me wonderfully.
I’ve started developing feelings for this other man, but I feel it would never work because he would never trust me.
I am stuck. I know that if I keep with my boyfriend we’ll eventually get married and have a life together, but I really enjoy how this other man makes me feel.
My boyfriend graduates in December, and he’s coming back home to me.
I don’t know whether to break it off or wait it out. The guilt is awful. — Sad Student
Dear Sad: You are doing everything backward.
If you don’t like the way your relationship with your longtime boyfriend is going, you should do what you can to change it — or break it off. You have muddied the relationship waters by letting someone else into your life.
You should never assume that you and your boyfriend will mend things and marry, and you should never marry someone until you are prepared to be honest.
Cheating is wrong. Sometimes people cheat as a way to get out of a relationship that isn’t working. That’s wrong too.
I hope you realize that your boyfriend might be neglecting you because, like you, he has found someone else.
Dear Amy: My husband and I are living with my parents because of our financial situation.
We have been with my folks since before our daughter was born. She is now 8 months old.
My mother is retired, and I am staying at home to take care of my daughter, so we are both home all the time.
My mother is constantly telling me what to do.
I have told her how upsetting this is, to the point that one encounter with her can ruin my entire day. She is disrespecting me as a parent. For example, if we are outside and the weather is fine, my mother will still insist that my daughter needs a jacket, even though I know she is fine. She persists until finally, when I am not looking, she puts the jacket on my daughter herself!
She will insist on whatever she thinks my daughter needs until either I break down and do it, or she does it herself. What can I do? — Poor in Virginia
Dear Poor: Your mother sounds overprotective (and doesn’t respect your role as a parent), but unless you feel she’s also an incompetent caregiver, you should consider asking her if she would be interested in providing some solo child care.
You could then pursue a part-time job, save your pennies and prepare to move out.
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