Oh, no! Not the holidays again.
As a working mom, I barely keep up during non-holiday times. Throw a holiday or two at me and I spin out of control like a speeding car on black ice.
For instance, recently, before the holidays were in sight, we had this exchange at my house:
“Girls!” I scolded my daughters. “Why did everyone get school pictures but you?”
“Because you forgot to order them,” they informed me.
My husband chimed in. “That reminds me, why did I just get a courtesy call from the electric company saying our power was about to get turned off? Did you forget to pay the bill?”
“Oh, geeze.”
And now it’s Thanksgiving weekend. December’s coming like a tsunami, when I’m supposed to create a meaningful, attractive, memorable and camera-ready holiday season. I’ll need to decorate, shop, wrap, ship, attend church, send gleeful cards, and bake, all while being party-ready at all times, and avoiding scenes like this one from last year . . .
It was the day before my girls’ winter break. I was taking them to the bus stop when one said, “Did you remember a gift for the bus driver?” I looked up to see the other moms, cheerful in their red scarves, walking their rosy-cheeked children to the bus while carrying glistening cellophane- wrapped plates of homemade cookies or festive gift bags. I panicked and started rummaging through my purse for that Starbucks gift card, which I believed still had around $11.53 left on it, hoping we could pass that off, while the kids groaned: “Way to go, Mom.”
That’s what I mean. Stuff falls through the cracks in my life under normal circumstances; even more so during the holidays.
Now I know what you’re thinking: By the time a person is in her 40s, she should have this down, but I don’t. No matter how I take on the holidays, at the end I feel guilty, exhausted, or both. Guilty if I don’t live up to expectations. Exhausted if I do.
The problem is that I have this vision of the ideal holiday: a perfectly coiffed tree, decked halls, clever gifts in equally clever wrapping sent on time, the right scents (whiffs of bayberry, wood fires, hot-spiced cider and pine), thoughtful sentiments (photo greeting cards featuring the kids dressed right, getting along and doing something wholesome, like that happens), festive attire, a family evening at the Nutcracker, candlelight services, homemade cranberry relish, and all of this attended to joyfully — on top of my jam-packed life.
No wonder people started spiking the eggnogg.
Syndicated columnist Marni Jameson is the author of “The House Always Wins” (Da Capo), and “House of Havoc,” due out this February. Contact her through .
Tips for a stress-free season
If you’ve got the holiday season on lockdown, then go read Ask Amy. But, if you’re like me and don’t want another season of overspending, overachieving, overeating, and generally overdoing, and if you want a great holiday season minus the stress, guilt, and migraines, I have some advice. I looked back at past years for what I’ve done wrong and right. I made a list and checked it twice, and have this holiday plan for a beautiful, enjoyable, and (almost) stress-free season.
Do the math. Stress mounts when we fall behind, so make a timetable. After Thanksgiving, you have four weeks until Christmas. Aim to accomplish a few major tasks each week, like so: Week 1 — Decorate (See next tip). Week 2 — Get your cards done, make your gift list (include the bus driver). Set a budget. Week 3 — Buy all your gifts (online as much as possible), wrap and ship. (If you pay expedited shipping, deduct 10 points.) Week 4 — Food shop, bake, party, distribute gifts, enjoy yourself. (For a detailed holiday checklist, visit my blog post titled “Let the Wild Rumpus Start!” at ).
Decorate early: Put up your holiday decorations the weekend after Thanksgiving. It will get you in the mood, and as long as you’re going to the trouble, you’ll enjoy them longer. (One year, my friend brought her tree home on Christmas Eve, and it was still lying on its side in the living room Christmas morning. While I totally see how that can happen, avoid it.)
Fake it. Now I don’t want to hear from all you purists who wouldn’t dream of anything but a real tree. Fake is the way to go. Fake trees, wreaths and garland don’t drop needles, don’t dry out, bend the way you want them to, last into the New Year, and will save you money in the long run.
Buy gifts in bulk: Find one bargain gift that’s great for many on your list — neighbors, teachers, hairdressers — and buy a bunch of them. Locally made confections, handsome letter openers, specialty candles, and pretty cheese knives are good one-size-fits-all gifts.
Perspective: Before you work yourself into a dither, remember that the word ‘holiday’ comes from ‘holy day.’ There is nothing holy about running around the mall, buying beyond your means, eating till you bust, or drinking yourself silly. Start the season centered on what matters: Look for the joy, reflect on what the season means to you, and create beautiful memories.
