Dear Margo: My best friend of 20-plus years thinks she is in a relationship with a man who has a wife and four kids with different women. He has been in and out of jail the past two years for selling drugs, and I am concerned because she drops everything to wait for his phone calls and take him places where he’s not allowed to drive because of parole restrictions. She has been seeing him on and off for four years, and he always hurts her.
She still allows him to use her vehicle and take her money, and often buys his children clothes since he can’t find a job due to his past convictions. She’s told me she would like to have his child. He has already made it clear to everyone around her that he is using her … and she is allowing it. I would like to tell her how I really feel about him, and that she’s only setting herself up for more heartache, but she thinks they are soul mates. She is almost 30, and I can’t understand why she is still so blind after all these years. — Louisa
Dear Lou: If I hear of one more ne’er-do-well who is someone’s “soul mate,” I’m gonna barf. It has become such a trite word — especially applied to a drug dealer, married (!), who goes in and out of the slammer. My honest opinion is that you could tell your friend that this guy is a modern-day Jack the Ripper and it wouldn’t make any difference. It’s too bad she doesn’t have any sense, not to mention judgment, but there you are. Some things, and some people, are irredeemably hopeless. — Margo, rationally
You are doing it all wrong, lady
Dear Margo: I’ve been married to my husband for 29 years. We married young, and our relationship has always been rocky. Six months ago, he kicked me out of our house in the middle of the night. Needless to say, we have issues. He said the main reason he acted the way he did was because he was sure I’d been cheating on him because of bruises on my thighs that looked like fingerprints, which I couldn’t explain. I have never, ever cheated on him. I found my own apartment and still see him almost every weekend. I never changed any of my passwords so he could check my cell phone, e-mail and credit cards to his heart’s content. I gave him a key to my apartment and told him to come over any time, night or day, to snoop around or check on me. I have nothing to hide.
Yesterday I stopped by (he recently injured his hand), but I was tired so I didn’t stay long and didn’t feel like having sex — which meant I got the nasty phone call on the way home accusing me of cheating on him. My friends think I am nuts, and I am starting to think they are right. I feel like I have gone above and beyond to prove he has misjudged me. I was hoping we could try to work out our problems, but I am getting sick and tired of constantly defending myself. What more can I do to prove my innocence? — Guilty Without a Trial
Dear Guilt: You do not have to prove your innocence, my dear (which is impossible, anyway), so tell him to prove your guilt. Bruises on your thigh are not proof. Some people bruise very easily — and I am one of them. The fact that you are still having sex with him is not good. If I were you, I would man-up, to coin a phrase, and tell him you are going to a lawyer to get your house back. You have not been doing the right things so far with this head case of a husband, but it’s never too late to start. — Margo, correctively
