Dear Margo: My fiancee and I will be getting married in nine months, and we’re starting to send out invitations. Over the past couple of years, many of our friends started having kids. (Two of the older ones will be flower girls.) Early on, we discussed the issue of kids at the wedding and agreed that we’re totally fine if little Suzie or Johnny goes screaming down the aisle; it’s more important to have friends and family there to celebrate with us. And we love our friends’ kids. At the same time, we hope that if a child does throw a tantrum, the parent will take the child to the vestibule so as to not be a continual disruption. My question is: Would it be appropriate to include a card with the invitation saying, “Of course children are invited, but if little Suzie or Johnny throws a temper tantrum, please take him or her to the vestibule to calm down”? If you feel it would be appropriate, perhaps you could suggest a better way of wording it. — Eyes on the Important Things in Life
Dear Eyes: I must say you’re a sport not to mind if kids go screaming down the aisle at your wedding. I suspect that may, in fact, happen. As for the card you have in mind advising people what to do in case of a tantrum, let me just say this: I would find that very odd and suggest you not do it. Instead, cross your fingers that the parents of the howling Suzies and Johnnys have the sense to remove them. There could be quite a crush in the vestibule, but there you are. And while I have you, sending invitations out nine months in advance would be considered exceedingly early. Have a lovely ceremony. — Margo, permissively
Annoying, but harmless
Dear Margo: I’m in a relationship with a man I love. This past year, we’ve grown close and had conversations about the future: getting married, having children, etc. Things are moving in a good direction. The problem is me. I am very thin-skinned. My boyfriend likes to tease me, which I can handle some of the time, but other times I’m quick to feel hurt. When it happens, I become withdrawn. I’m able to hide this better with other people, since they simply consider me shy, but my boyfriend notices immediately.
This is, without a doubt, the best and strongest relationship I’ve ever had, but I worry that being so sensitive will end up driving him crazy and away from me. While I suspect that your advice may be to go to counseling, I have a very basic “sickness plan” — rather than health insurance — that doesn’t cover that type of “treatment.” Is it possible to develop a thicker skin? Is there a mantra that I can repeat when my feelings are hurt? I should mention that I am able to recognize when I have overreacted. I also feel ashamed of my behavior when I remember how much he loves me. — Far Too Sensitive
Dear Far: Good news — you don’t need therapy! Since you understand the situation well, and because the romance sounds so promising, I would make this my mantra: “He likes to tease me, and he loves me.” Then don’t give it a thought. For what it’s worth, my husband does the same thing, and I think it’s goofy, but some people just like to tease.
It will bother you less and less once you really understand that teasing is a part of some people’s sense of humor. — Margo, tolerantly
