Re:“Isn’t this what parks are for?,” Feb. 12 editorial.
As to the best use of Denver’s parks to generate needed income, here is a modest proposal (with our profound thanks and humble apologies to Jonathan Swift).
Our City Council would transform our public parks into theaters, charging admission fees and closing them otherwise to public use, to generate income. A tepid proposal at best.
Sloan’s Lake Park has excessive clouds of geese. Consider the income that could be generated by 1) leasing to hunters the opportunity to shoot them from the skies; 2) leasing to kitchens for barbecue privileges; and 3) renting tables to servers and charging for Easter feasts.
Inspiration Point is a rendezvous arena for lovers. Why not generate income by 1) providing for a fee police protection, enabling our teenagers a proper venue for safe sex; 2) selling condoms and birth-control pills to our little darlings; and 3) leasing to abstinence-only and pro-life protesters a nearby street upon which to march?
Washington Park is a promenade for runners and cyclists. Think of the income derived if the loops around the lakes were closed, and entry fees charged to those rich enough to adorn themselves in regal finery, so that they might parade around them on Sundays, as well as a more modest fee for the rest of us to attend and applaud them in their extravagant costumes?
City Park is a favorite family picnic location, with spectacular views of the Front Range. Why not maximize its potential for family entertainment and generate income at the same time, by providing 1) pit-bull enclosures for lovers of that sport; 2) cockfight arenas under the west window of the museum in all its magnificent grandeur; and 3) kick-boxing corrals for enthusiasts?
We can think of no one objection that will possibly be raised against these proposals, unless it should be that they are too few. Yet they are mere examples of the vast ways in which our once-public parks might be used to generate badly needed income for our city, at the minimal expense of closing them down to public use.
Shirley Schley and Wick Downing live in Denver.
