Dear Amy: My high school daughters were allowed to have Facebook pages this past year.
I felt that they were old enough to understand the good and the ugly that comes along with written, instant communication.
We have an open, honest relationship with daily interaction.
I do not feel it is necessary to look at their “pages,” which I equate to reading a note between them and a friend. If I want to know something, I ask.
The problem is that we have several family members who have “friended” the girls. The girls didn’t want to hurt these family members’ feelings by saying no.
Now these relatives peruse the girls’ pages to find out information on them on a regular basis but have little, if nothing, to do with them otherwise.
I find this inappropriate for these adults. Am I wrong? — Offline Mom
Dear Mom: Your daughters can easily adjust their “privacy” settings to control the kind of access these relatives have to their Facebook pages.
For many people, Facebook has opened a window onto the lives of people they don’t have regular contact with.
Many parents (myself included) don’t become “friends” with their own kids but are enthusiastic friends with other relatives.
Facebook is where I would learn that my niece just finished composing her latest song. My nephew might post a link to YouTube for a video he edited. Their sister might have scored a goal in soccer.
I found out through Facebook that my cousin and I happened to be visiting the same city last week. We reconnected “offline” over many cups of coffee.
The unspoken rule of Facebook for relatives is: Don’t be too personal, too mushy or too lame with your younger “friends.”
If your relatives are skulking, or inappropriate — or if the girls simply don’t want to connect with them in this way — then they should “unfriend” them.
Work with your daughters to help them develop boundaries. Have them teach you how Facebook works — and definitely ask them to show you their pages.
Facebook is not a substitute for real-life interactions. But this virtual connection is helping many people connect in real life. You should try it.
Dear Amy: I have two brothers and one sister. Three or four years ago my grandfather passed away and left some land to one of my brothers.
My brother has refused to pay taxes on the land, and my other siblings will not help with this expense, I guess because there is nothing in it for them.
I have paid taxes on this land for several years, but I have my own taxes in another county and can no longer afford this expense. What should I do? — Frustrated Brother
Dear Brother: What’s in this for you? You should do some soul searching to answer this question.
If you want to keep this land in the family, then maybe your brother would sell it to you — though it doesn’t sound as if you can keep up with the taxes on two properties.
None of your siblings has a commitment to this land. You probably can’t afford it.
It’s probably time to let it go.
Do some research to see if this land could be donated to the state or a foundation as a nature preserve.
This way the property would stay intact and your family would be out from under the tax burden. The area where the land is located probably has a local or regional land trust. Find out if a gift is possible.
Otherwise, you’ll have to let your brother manage — or not manage — this on his own. The land belongs to him.
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