Dear Margo: I’ve been married 13 years, and for the past six months, my husband has done so many things that boggle the mind that I’m not sure what to do.
It all began when he tried to help a young girl with her car. He is very mechanical and is always willing to help anyone. I was with him the day her car broke down, and all he could do was tell her to park it because she had run out of coolant, and that she would need to replace her water pump to stop the coolant from leaking. He gave her his number in case she couldn’t find someone to change the pump.
About three weeks later, she texted him. Her first message was simple: Would he still be willing to help? He texted her back and said he and his friend were off the next day and would be glad to help. In her next text, she asked him to come that night and made different sexual offers as to what she would do for him. He talked to his friend, and they decided this had to be a joke. The texting went on for months, with him revealing intimate details about himself and our marriage. It did not matter how much it bothered me, he just kept texting her. He told her the size of his genitals and sexual things I liked and didn’t like.
When I told him this needed to stop, he laughed and said he wasn’t doing anything wrong because he wasn’t cheating on me, and that it was just harmless texting. Our older children, 8 and 9, have overheard some of our fights about this, and they’ve told several people at school (teachers, aides) about their daddy’s girlfriend. Am I wrong in thinking he is disrespecting our marriage and me? Should I leave or just shut up and take it? — Livid
Dear Liv: I am speechless. On a scale of one to Jon Gosselin, your guy is right up there.
“Harmless texting,” my eye. “Disrespecting your marriage”? How about acting single? To find a young woman on a street and begin a sexual texting relationship (if that’s all it is) is shameful. It is nothing more than phone sex with a keyboard. This husband of yours could give white trash a bad name. The “Daddy’s girlfriend” business is a nice touch, too. I would instruct him to delete this tramp’s number from his phone and tell him “game over” or else. And if he jives you around again about how it’s harmless, tell him “game over” in the sense that he needs to find a lawyer. — Margo, furiously
When a Simple Question Isn’t So Simple
Dear Margo: I have a simple question — I think. I want to know what to say when someone asks me how many children I have. I’ve given birth to two beautiful boys, but one passed away very early in his life here on earth. I feel that saying I have only one son makes him seem insignificant. However, saying I have two sons inevitably invites the question, “How old are they?” My typical response is, “My eldest is 5, and the youngest passed away.” But ultimately, this makes the other person feel uncomfortable and the conversation becomes awkward. Is there another way to address this question without inviting additional questions? — Della
Dear Del: Try to take the question literally: How many children do you have? You have one child. This will be easier for others and, I think, for you. Your question, by the way, is sadly more common than you might imagine. Certainly good friends know your story, and should you become close to new people, your sad loss will become known. But in casual situations, where that question is offhand — like, “What do you do?” or “How do you like your job?” — I think the literal answer is the best. — Margo, appropriately
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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