Dear Amy: I am 16 and live with my mom, my dad and my 10-year-old sister.
My mom has always had mood swings, but they’ve gotten progressively worse in the past four or five years. Last year I believe she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I can’t be sure, because neither she nor my dad has really told me anything.
Two or three times a week, she will spiral downward into extreme anger or upset to the point of tears or throwing things and slamming doors.
Sometimes she will sleep for hours on end until she feels better, leaving me to care for my sister while my dad’s at work.
My dad says there’s nothing we can do, because she obviously doesn’t want our help and doesn’t want to change.
I almost wish he would divorce her and take us away, because even though it would be hard on us, we wouldn’t have to worry about what might set off my mom’s mood swings; but on the other hand, I’m terrified that his divorcing her might push my mom to suicide.
I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, and I know her moods affect my sister terribly.
I don’t know how to make things better. Please help. — Terrified Teen
Dear Teen: Your family needs professional intervention right away.
You don’t say whether your mom is getting help, but mental illness takes a tremendous toll on the whole family. Your home is filled with tension and uncertainty.
Seek out a sympathetic teacher or counselor at school. This person should be able to connect you with mental health services in your community. You need a safe place and an understanding person to talk to.
Continue to reach out to your dad. He should tell you what’s going on with your mother. Even though he may feel overwhelmed, you and your sister need all of his help and support.
The National Institute of Mental Health’s Web site () has lots of information about bipolar disorder (and other mental illnesses). You can learn more about this illness and locate other helpful research and resources by clicking on “Health Topics.”
is a website you might find helpful as you work your way though this. The site can put you in touch with other kids who have similar challenges. It also has links to local mental health resources and hot lines.
Dear Amy: I hope you can settle a question of modesty. At what age do you think a parent should stop undressing in front of a child of the opposite sex? I hope you can settle this between my wife and me. — J.D.
Dear J.D.: In my view, a parent should stop undressing in front of an opposite- gender child when the parent hits 50 or the child hits 5 — whichever comes first.
Dear Amy: After 36 years of marriage, my father moved out to be with another woman whom he has apparently been seeing for a while. He has been out of the house for five months.
My mother is devastated, and many family members are very angry.
I will be getting married in July, and my dad wishes to bring his new lady to the wedding.
My future mother-in-law is hosting our small wedding at her home and she is angry and upset about my father’s behavior.
What should I do to ensure we all have a wonderful and uneventful day? — Wedding Blues
Dear Blues: It is too soon for your father to bring his girlfriend to a small wedding where your mother will also be present.
As his daughter and the bride-to-be, you should ask him to consider your and your mother’s feelings in this regard.
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