Dear Amy:I have been teaching high school for 16 years. I have always liked teens and feel they usually get a bad rap. I have always loved teaching. With today’s instant communication, however, things have changed.If I have to discipline a student for something, I have a nasty e-mail from a parent within 15 minutes after the student has texted his or her parents.
It is easy to tell the teacher off and never hear his or her side of the issue. It’s easy to belittle and accuse the teacher because the parents never have to come face to face with the teacher.
Not every parent acts this way; the ones who still teach their children to have respect don’t act this way, but those are the kids who usually have no discipline issues.
I have parents bully me about grades, my assignments and classroom rules — all through e-mail. I even had one parent tell me that I was teaching the assignment wrong.
The administrators in this small community back down to the parents. I would hate to quit, but I can’t go on this way and neither can my colleagues. — Tired Teacher
Dear Teacher: I shared your issue with administrators from the Montgomery County Central School District, in suburban Washington. They agree that this is a growing problem for teachers and staff.
Before you consider quitting your job, you should develop a strategy to deal with these offenses that will establish acceptable boundaries and contact.
I am completely with you in terms of the disrespect and subsequent frustration, but just because someone fires off an e-mail to you doesn’t mean you have to respond immediately.
You could set up an automated reply saying, “Because I am in the classroom teaching, I only check my e-mail after school. If you have an emergency, please call the school office.”
If a parent sends you an aggressive e-mail, you could neutralize the contact (and call his or her bluff) by suggesting, “Let’s set up a conference to talk about this. What time works best for you?” Forward offensive messages to your school principal.
Dear Amy: A co-worker in my office is getting married again. She is going all out for this wedding, with a dozen bridesmaids and a big reception. The wedding is the weekend of my daughter’s birthday. I told the bride not to invite me because I wouldn’t be able to attend.
I received an invitation to both the wedding and the reception. There was no RSVP card with the invitation, so I bought a nice wedding card. I decided to thank her for the invitation, congratulate her and tell her I would not be attending. Is this a proper way to RSVP?
Another problem is the gift. On the invitation it states “money tree preferred.” She makes a lot more money then I make. She and the groom live together and need nothing.
Am I obliged to send money? Knowing my own budget I can’t send very much. Is $20 too cheap to enclose in the card? — Perplexed
Dear Perplexed: RSVP cards are a fairly recent innovation. If none is included with an invitation, you should contact the person who invited you to the wedding in writing, thanking her for the invitation and stating that unfortunately you will not be able to attend.
It is not polite to mention gifts on an invitation (though this is frequently done), and just because the bride has chosen to do so doesn’t mean you have to respond to this aspect of her celebration.
If you aren’t attending the wedding, you are under no obligation to give a gift, so hang on to your $20.
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